Equilibrium

Chapter 23: Jackie's POV

"Luka?" I ask again, trying to get him to look at me, but he's staring up at the night sky, deep in thought. "Luka, do you know what it means? 'Find equilibrium?'"

"Uh... just... don't worry about it for now, okay?"

"So you do know!"

"I- I never said that." He looks nervous.

"Luka, don't keep secrets from me. Especially about our quest!"

"Oh says you!" He shoots me a glare and I freeze. I haven't told him about Maple. I can't bear to bring her up. Not yet. He knows I'm keeping something from him, but it's better if he doesn't know about it. I just sigh and wipe the rest of the tears off my face.

"Fair point. But you need to tell me," I say.

"I will. I promise. Just... not right now, 'Kay? We should sleep."

He's avoiding it for some reason and I can't STAND it but I can't argue with him on the sleep part. I'm exhausted, as per usual, and I could use some sleep. Instead of answering I just curl up on top of my sleeping bag and pull my blanket over myself. Luka does the same. It's one of the things I'd do when the weather was nice and my mom and I would go out to sleep outside on the beach in the summer, in the rare times when she was okay to be around. We always slept on top of the sleeping bags because it was softer and we were further off the ground. It's just a habit at this point, but it brings back stinging memories. I turn away from Luka so he doesn't see me cry for the second time today. I'm so fucking tired of breaking down all the time like this but I don't know what to do about it. Maybe seeing my mom again would help?

No.

I trace the scars of old burns on my arm and remind myself of Annabeth's warning. Seeing my mom wouldn't do me any good. I have the terrible habit of just remembering the few good things about her rather than all the bad ones because I've tried so hard to block them out of my head forever. Just look how that worked out for me.

I let out a shaky sigh and try to steer my mind off my mom. I shut my eyes tight against the tears but instead of blackness all I see are flashing images of Maple's body, neck gushing blood, and my mom's face, towering over me, a smashed bottle of beer in her hand and a crazy look in her eyes. I desperately try to push those thoughts out of my head, lock them out of my heart. I've done it before. Just push it down so deep that I can't feel it anymore. I know it'll come up again later and hurt even worse, but what else is there to do?

I turn onto my side so I'm facing away from Luka before crying into my pillow, as quietly as possible.

"Goodnight, Jackie."

"Night." I whisper.

It's hours before I actually fall asleep, but sometime between sunset and sunrise I manage to get Maple and my mom out of my head. No more thinking about that shit, I promise myself. You can deal with that another day. Bottling up my emotions probably isn't the best way to deal with them, but for now, it's my only option. With that thought in mind, I finally manage to fall asleep.

I wake to the sound of birds chirping and soft breathing at the back of my head. I'm really comfortable right now and I don't really feel like moving, but I slowly open my eyes and rub them until the blurriness fades. I'm about to roll over and get up but something tightens around my waist and keeps me from moving. My eyes trail downwards to find Luka's arms wrapped around me.

Then realization hits me.

Ohhhh shit.

Nuh-Uh.

He did NOT just-

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh fUck no.

I struggle to roll over and get up but apparently he's still asleep because he won't let me go. Holy Hera, how is he so strong?! Eventually I just give up and stop struggling at his iron grip.

"Luka, wake up!" No answer. I sigh and roll my eyes. "Dumbass. WAKE UP!"

"Hmm... wha-?" He grumbles. "Jackie? What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?! Oh I don't know, you tell me!"

He must have finally opened his eyes because I hear a sharp intake of breath and he whispers,

"Shit."

But he doesn't move.

"Uhhh... Luka? You gonna let me go? Or...?"

"Ew. Yeah. Sorry-" His arms finally loosen their grip and I roll around to face him. His face is bright red. I smirk at him.

"You alright?"

"I'm fine, stop talking." Somehow he manages to turn a darker shade of red.

"Hmph." I get up and start rolling up my sleeping bag, stuffing it into my backpack, and he does the same. I pull two apples out of my backpack before zipping it up and slinging it over my shoulder. I hand one of the apples to Luka and whistle for Harper. We eat in silence before my bird swoops down through the trees and lands before us. I get on first.

"Come on, let's go find the next relic." I beckon for Luka to follow me and for once, he does so without complaint.

"Where to?" He asks.

"Pennsylvania. I think it's about time we go hunting for Zeus's relic. Go big or go home, right?"

"Yep," is all he says, and Harper takes off into the sky.