Promotion {Luke Hemmings/5SOS Fanfic}

24) If You Just Knew

"I don't know if I can hold on much longer."

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~Luke's P.O.V.

I continued to glare at the ceiling above my head, the same ceiling that's always been there and always will be. My imagination swirled in the darkness, as if my own thoughts were slowly moving and coming alive.

What was I doing with my life?

I blinked and the pictures forming in my head soon disappeared. I was a goddamn mess.

There was a soft snore beside me and I tilted my head towards the sound, trying to pinpoint the noise in the little source of light there was. Small but though visible, I could see that a person was actually sleeping in my bed.

Lola.

I hadn't meant to stiffen a frown when I realized that the girl sleeping next to me wasn't Chloe, but I did. It kinda sucked that I had to remind myself how awful of a human being I am. I was a dirty cheat but I couldn't own up to it. I know I was making a stupid dick move right now but I just wasn't sure how to fix it anymore.

Lola was adorable however, with her head sunken into the pillow. I had almost forgotten she was even with me.

Too many thoughts were occupied in my mind and I just gave up on sleeping. I couldn't keep my eyes closed for long so I figured, what was the point?

Chloe was here, in this house, and I was well aware of that. I could hear her sweet, lovely laugh from a mile away but after an hour or so, everything was quiet. I assumed she fell asleep but I was still wide awake, waiting for I don't know... I guess for something to happen.

I couldn't stop thinking about her either and that was the truth... but whenever I thought about her, I couldn't shake away the immense guilt I felt and honestly I should feel like crap for being such a disloyal boyfriend and not wanting to admit it.

So instead of growing some fucking balls and maning up to Chloe, I fucked Lola again... like the pathetic person I was and no, I'm not happy that I did. I'm just digging myself a deeper grave but someone forgot to lend me a hand because now, I was stuck in that damn hole and I couldn't find a way out.

I suppose, I could just tell her the truth, that I've been kinda hooking up with some chick behind her back but if I did, I would lose Chloe and I wasn't ready for that. Then again, I was pushing her away but I...... I'd rather have her sad than hate me for the rest of her life.

Wow. That sounded really selfish of me.

There was a sudden creak that came from outside of my room and whether it was reflexes or something, I sat up forward. Curiosity beamed through me like a surge and I drew my blanket away before stepping out of my bed. With quiet, tip-toe like steps, I headed towards the door.

Tilting it open just a little, I peaked my head outside.

Did I just imagine that?

Looking around, I didn't see anyone or hear anything else. Convincing myself, I thought that maybe someone just wanted some water from the kitchen or something.

It's probably one of the boys Luke so why is your heart racing you dumb fuck?

With a pitiful sigh, I closed the doors and headed to the back of the room instead of trying to lamely fall back asleep because it was obviously not working. I opened one of the windows just slightly enough to let some fresh air in. Then deciding that I didn't want to possibly wake up Lola by sitting on the bed, I just stood there and stared off into the night sky.