Thank you - Merthur one shot(s)

For nothing

Just a short, sad chapter.
I'm currently working on a long one shot and I have like 4 different ideas, but it seems like I can't get even a little bit of peace and quiet. I'm currently quarantined with my family of 8 and my sister's one year old and I feel like my head is going to explode.

He sat quietly at a fire he had built himself. Breathing heavily as the tears filled his eyes. He only went hiking when he missed him. Walking in the forest and sleeping in a tent felt like he was closer to him, closer to all of them.

He was looking at the fire burn feeling himself drift into a world that only excited in his memories. He could still remember his smile. Oh, how he would give everything in his heart to see that smile again.

He doesn't know where he is. The last time he saw him was heartbreaking. He was the one who pushed him away, far away on a boat. He doesn't remember much, only bits and pieces, he figured it was too heavy on the mind and heart. He does remember his last words, though, those words still haunt him every time he closes his eyes.

He remembers his dreams floating away with him. He gave his life purpose and took everything with him when he left. It felt like he had taken Merlin's soul with him to the other side. 'Am I waiting for nothing, or are you coming back like they promised you would?'

He still holds on to his diary. No one knew he had a diary, except Merlin. "They'd call me a girl, Merlin. I swear if you ever tell any of the knights what you saw I will put you on stocks, are we clear?" he had told Merlin when he first caught him writing in it. The key got lost when last saw him writing in it, more than a thousand years ago. The book was dusty, considering how old it was, probably fragile, too.

Merlin never wrote anything that happened in Camelot down, he considered if he forgot it, it wasn't important. He never corrected the tales written about Arthur and the knights of the round table. No one would believe him anyway, so why bother. He guarded the memories of his friends in his mind, like a guardian angel. All of their adventures, quests, and hunts. Times like this, the memories were all he had, though he needed more than that. He needed his friends, his king.

Maybe he comes back and they can be together again. Maybe it'll all be alright. Maybe he has a purpose again, but until then he can't help like he's waiting for nothing.