Her Resurrection

chapter 17

"Engaged!?" The twins exclaimed. I winced slightly and grasp my hand around Gondien's arm.

"We were hoping to have your blessing," I directed hopefully towards Elrond and Celebrian.

"Of course," she replied with a smile. "I couldn't think of anyone else more suited for each other."

"I, for one, think it is very romantic," said Arwen as her face broadened into a Cheshire grin.

 We had gathered the family together the next day during breakfast to break the news. Arwen had just barely held back a squeal of delight, while Elrond and Celebrian had sat back with matching, knowing smiles on their calm faces. Elrohir and Elladan on the other hand seemed to take their brotherly protectiveness quite seriously.

"I'm not sure I remember giving any such permission," growled Elladan.

"I thought you two were trying to find ways to push them together?" asked Arwen with a smirk across her porcelain features.

"We did not expect such a quick engagement," said Elrohir. "Besides, it was fun watching the captain squirm around our sister." He glowered across the table as he threw back a mouthful of his wine.

"Don't listen to them. They're just jealous," Arwen stage whispered to me.

They grumbled and slumped in their seats, glaring at a calm Gondien as he merely watched with an aloof manner. I slipped my hand under the table and grasped his hand in mine, my heart fluttering as he gave a small squeeze on my fingers and rubbed his thumb along the back of my hand.

I still could not quite believe what was happening. It still felt as if I were living a dream, and any moment I would wake up and find myself back in my gloomy little apartment. Looking back, I realized I had barely been living. My life had no meaning, no sense of purpose, no love. I had buried all of that with my family, but I was slowly coming back to life. This new family showered me with care and joy daily, and I was beginning to experience a new kind of love with someone I would never have even dared to dream of. I gazed across the table at their smiling and laughing faces, and my heart swelled to nearly bursting. My eyes burned with emotion, and I leaned fully into Gondien's side with a small, content sigh.  This was my family my now, and I would forever be grateful to God or the Valar, whoever's hand had brought me here.

The next few months were filled with joy and laughter, and I felt my depression lifting with each moment.  Gondien was ever a presence in my days when he was home from patrol, and I would look forward to his visits during the day when we would both step away from our jobs for a few moments.  I still wondered at the memory of the night he told me that he had chosen me, and I had a feeling that the thought would never fade far from my heart.   

With the passing of time came memories and emotions that threatened to consume me once again.  Even though I had worked hard to fight back my depressive thoughts, the anniversary of my parents' death approached and brought back my old battles.  While the days were cheerful and the nights relaxing, I found myself slipping into a dark hole once again. My nightmares were worsening once more, and more often than not I would spend my nights on my window seat looking over the valley.  I tried everything I could think of: working overtime in the healing ward, helping in the kitchen, working with the horses, and even learning a few survival skills. Nothing worked.  My dreams turned into full night terrors.

Those were the worst nights. Arwen would sometimes rush to my room after hearing me struggle in my sleep since her room was near my own. She would hold me as I shivered, but I never cried. I refused to shed any more tears.

My family hovered over me incessantly, and Gondien was the worst of them. He treated me as though I were made of glass, and at any second I would break into a million pieces. Coupled with my exhaustion and raging emotions, I was very nearly ready to tear into each of them.