Ten reasons -Jikook

Reason 7

19/4/10

Reason 7

My weight is something to laugh about. It's so awful and I just wish it would change. Everywhere I go, I feel like people stare at me and judge me because of it. Not a a single part of my body I'm pleased with. Sometimes I forget about my weight and how terrible it is but most of the time something always reminds me of it.

I remember once when the guys and I were on tour, I was forced to go on a diet and workout all the time. That made me feel even worse about my body.

Is it really that bad?

Who am I kidding, It's beyond disappointing.

Once a fan yelled to me

"please lose some weight, you're ruining the look of the entire band!"

I wanted to cry but I couldn't. The tears were trapped, but they wanted to spill. They almost did when I could have sworn, I saw Jungkook laughing at the fan's comment.

The world these days is twisted and wicked. No matter which way you turn, there is something that gets in your way.

Something that will slow you down ...

Or break you down ...

I'm surprised I'm still hanging on.

As I closed my journal and placed down my pen on the bed. My stomach began to growl. "No ..." I whispered out, grabbing slightly onto it.

I can't eat ... I just can't.

I slipped off my bed and sunk down to the floor. My stomach started to growl even more but I ignored it. I sat on the floor, just thinking...

Thinking about everything. Everything that brings me down. Everything that gets in the way. Everything that makes me a screwed-up mess.

The air conditioning in the room started to turn on and I got off the floor in a rush. The cold air that swirled around started to sting my cuts a little. Grabbing my journal and pen, slipping on some shoes I went out of my ice-cold room. As I walked down the steps my head started to hurt. About to take another step my head grew light and my eyelids began to flutter. The next thing I knew, I fell down the last steps and my vision turned black.

I woke up covered in sweat at the bottoms of the stairs. I must have laid here for quite some time. I weakly opened my eyes and got off the floor. Not being able to stand very well, I felt back down. Still dizzy I began to cry a little. In that Moment I finally decided to eat something. "Not eating must cause dizziness" I mumbled to myself, not daring trying to get up, but crawling miserably towards the kitchen. I left my journal and pen where I fell and only focused on getting some food in my system.

After I ate something, I felt better but I could instantly feel my weight increasing. "Damn me ..." I sobbed out, pulling my hair in frustration. I removed myself from the table and kicked the chair angrily, crying excessively. I dropped down beside the char and wiped my wet eyes. Suddenly my phone started to ring from inside my pocket. I reached for it hesitantly. No one ever calls me. Sniffling I looked at the caller ID. It was Jungkook.

"Hello?" I said softly, trying to control my sniffling. "Uhm, are you crying, Jiminshi?" JK asked. "No, I'm fine. I promise ... what do you want?" I asked. "The band is having a meeting in an hour. It's important. Make sure you come." "Oh, I'll be there ... Bye, Kookie." "Bye." Jungkook said hanging up the phone. I really don't want to go out in public. I just want to stay here. Alone. Locked away in my lonely room.

-

The meeting was a long one bout our next album. We had a long discussion about song distribution and sub units. I got less parts but that is fine because my voice isn't that great anyways...