everything i wanted ; Billie eilish

26

We're currently just in the meet and greet, but the last group is up now so we have pretty much finished. All the people huddle together and i take some photos of them. Billie says goodbye to them all and sticks her tongue out at me.

"did you see that guy he nearly had a fucking heart attack I didn't know what to do" Billie tells me as we exit the meet and greet room. I grab the paper with everyone's emails on as we go past.

"i still got his photo even though he got taken out" I laugh. I have been feeling so panicky all day like i'm literally gonna have an anxiety attack anytime soon I don't know what's going on with me.

"dude are you coming sound check with me?" billie asks nudging my shoulder with hers as we walk through the corridors, my breathing getting gradually heavier.

"erm i'm just gonna go to the dressing room i don't feel great" I say and quickly walk off from her, she shouts after me but i ignore her.

I enter the dressing room and close the door behind me, walking to the corner and collapsing onto the floor. My breathing gets very heavy and my heart rate fast. Fuck.
Isaac walks in and looks at me before quickly leaving again shouting billie.

Almost immediately she appears in the room and runs over to me. "bil" i say breathlessly as she holds me into her body.
"shhh it's ok baby" she replies softly, rubbing my back. "just breath with me". We start taking deep breaths together until i can feel my heart rate slowing down.

Once she finally calmed me down I lean my forehead onto hers in exhaustion. "are you ok?" she whispers, feeling her breath on my face.
"yeah thank you" I say looking into her eyes and back down again. I move my head of hers and run my hand through my hair.

"erm you should go back to sound check i don't want you to miss it" I say, kinda wanting to be alone right now. Billie shakes her head and puts her hands up to my cheeks making me look at her.

"i'm not leaving you, finneas has it covered" she tells me. I sigh and bite my lip with nervousness, billie noticed and is now staring down at them. I know what she wants.

"billie you can't" I whisper, as she doesn't keep her gaze of my lips. She looks very distracted and confused at the same time. "I don't care" she mutters and brings her face closer to me, so her lips occasionally brush on mine.

The door opens and i move my head back quickly. Finneas appears smiling at us.

"hey Lexi are you ok?" he asks.
"Yeah i'm good, I should start sending the meet and greet photos out" I announce, panicking and sitting down at my table. We nearly kissed, Billie nearly kissed me. I can't go through this again, it ended so badly last time. We all know me and her never stopped loving each other, but we also know we can't be together.

Billie stands up and quickly walks out running her hands through her hair. "She was gonna kiss you wasn't she" Finneas asks. I nod and start doing my work, trying to ignore the situation. What are you doing billie?