Lipstick || l.s

twenty six

WARNING: MENTION OF RAPE, SUICIDE, DEPRESSION, AND ANXIETY

about five years later

Harry's POV

It's been almost 5 years since I came close to attempting suicide. A few days after Louis walked in on me with pills in my hand. I explained everything to Louis.

~~~

We were laying down on my bed, Louis was trying to read a book for class while I was just trapped in my own thoughts. Louis has been by my side ever since he caught me and he hasn't said a word. I'm grateful he didn't. I'm not exactly comfortable explaining everything to him. However, I know that I feel safe around him and that I trust him.

"Hey Lou," I said softly.

"Yeah?" Louis said. He takes a second to finish the last set of words from his book before he looks at me. "What's up?"

"I'm ready to explain... what like kinda happened a few days ago."

"Thank you H. But please, don't feel pressured to explain. I just want you to always know that you are my best mate and that I'm happy that you're here." Louis said before he places a bookmark in his book and puts it away.

"I'm happy i'm here too." I said. "And i'm ready to tell you. It's triggering stuff that i'm gonna say, and it may make you uncomfortable. So please let me know when it gets too uncomfortable for you."

"Of course. Also, please know that whenever you feel uncomfortable. That you are in a safe space and that you can stop at anytime." Louis said.

I took breath and began to explain to Louis everything. I told him how my first boyfriend, Eric, and how he raped me a few months into our relationship. I explained how much trauma that event impacted me which caused me to have frequent anxiety attacks and depressive episodes. My family didn't find out  until three months after the incident where I tried to commit suicide. My sister found me unconscious in my room and brought me to the hospital. I was hospitalized for a few days. Afterwards, I saw plenty of psychiatrists, therapists, social workers, counsellors, etc.

I continued to explain to Louis that things were getting better and I managed to go back to school. However, another incident occurred, but this time it was Eric's friends that sexually assaulted me. I completely shutdown. I told Louis how I wouldn't leave my bed, let alone my room. I spent my days just trying to erase the memories and tried my best to keep up with therapy and medication. Maybe about 6 months later, my mom was allowed to transfer to a hospital in London. So, my family packed everything and moved to London. I confirmed to Louis that the guy we saw that one day was Eric and how seeing Eric triggered and flooded myself with traumatic memories. Louis mouthed an "Oh" to himself and connected the dots based on everything I said.

"A few days ago when you walked in on me. I wanted to commit suicide again." I explained. "You were right on time and i'm so grateful you were. So thank you." I concluded.

Louis was sitting there trying to process everything I said.

"Thank you for telling me. I'm so sorry this happened to you." Louis said.

He was kinda speechless, but in a "i don't wanna say the wrong thing."

"Thank you for listening to me and for being there for me." I said.

It became quiet right after. From the look of Louis' face, I knew he had a million possible questions.

"Before you get concerned and worried for me, i just wanna let you know I told my family everything and that I want to seek help." I clarified with Louis. He looked worried and I just assumed that he was worried about my safety in the future. "I agreed to meet up with a counsellor, and to work with a psychiatrist."