Lipstick || l.s

sixteen

Harry's POV

I'm really glad I can trust Louis and be friends with him again. I really missed him and I really missed being with him. I don't know if this is a friendship effect or something but I was about to go crazy without him. I think it's pretty weird, but I never had a close friend like Louis so maybe this is just something new. I'm not complaining though. If anything, I'm just glad that him and I are on good terms and that we can be as close as we can be again.

I walk home and hear a very serious conversation with between my mom and my sister from the kitchen.

"How are we going to tell him?" I heard my mum said.

"I don't think we should tell him just yet, he's going to freak," Gemma responded.

"But what if he finds him? He's going to be terrified."

"We will eventually tell him, but let's wait. He's not at his best since Louis and him are not talking to each other," Gemma said.

They are obviously talking about me. I drop my bag beside the wall and walked into the kitchen. When Gemma and my mum saw me, they both were quiet.

"What were you guys talking about?" I asked.

"It's nothing to worry about, I'll tell you later," Gemma said.

"No, tell me now. I heard you talking about me and I want to know what's happening," I said seriously.

Gemma looked at my mum. My mum nods at Gemma and they both lead me into the dinning room. We sit down in our seats. My mother grabs my hands before Gemma begins to talk.

"I was walking to class this morning like I usually do and I saw someone unexpectedly," Gemma said slowly and gently.

I have a bad feeling about this.

"I didn't think it was him but when he turned around and saw me, it was him."

My breathing is now slow and deep.

"Please don't tell me you saw him," I said nervously.

"I'm sorry Harry," Gemma said.

I went silent. So many thoughts were going through my mind but I just couldn't say anything.

"Baby, say something, I don't want you to keep it in," my mum said while she rubs my arm.

I would open my mouth but nothing would come out. I don't know what to say. I don't know how I feel exactly.

"C-Can I go to my room please?" I asked quietly.

"Of course my love, I'll check up on you in a few minutes," my mum said. I get off my chair and run upstairs into my room. I close my door and sit on the edge. I hold a pillow to my chest and slowly feel the tears come down.

A mixture of anxiety, sadness and madness is what I'm feeling right now. My breathing became hard and a bunch of things are just going through my mind.

The thought of him finding me is making me a nervous wreck. He can't find me, he can never find me!

I ran up to my door and locked it shut. Then, I furiously grab my lamp from my desk and just threw it across my room. I grab a set of books from my book shelf and start throwing them at different parts of my room, knocking down picture frames and other momentous items.

I heard loud knocks and screams outside my room. I know it's my mother and sister begging me to come in. I lay on my bedroom floor and start crying again.

I'm going back to my old self. I'm going back to the person I was almost a year ago. I hate myself. I hate what I'm doing to myself. I can't get rid of the images in my head. I'm sobbing harder now. I can barely breathe. My body is becoming numb. I feel like every bad emotion is running through my mind and body.

I see my mother and my sister burst into my room looking extremely worried. My mother was crying while Gemma looked in horrid. I didn't pay attention to them, I just want to cry and cry until I physical and mentally exhaust myself.

~~~

After an hour of crying, I just sit myself up and stare at the walls. My mom still sitting right beside me holding on me for dear life.

"Darling, you're okay, you're okay," my mum said while planting big kisses on my forehead. "I love you so much darling, I love you so so much. Don't forget that love please. Gemma and I love and care for you so much. Gemma and I will protect you always. I love you baby."

She sits back down beside me and holds on to me. Gemma comes and sits on the other side and puts herself close to me.

"I love you Harry, you're not worthless, you're not useless, you are not disgusting, dirty or anything like that," Gemma said.

"I love you too," I said before I start cuddling into their arms.

~~~

It was really hard for my mum and Gemma to let go of me. I was feeling a lot better but not like before. I was able to calm myself down enough to be mentally and physically alright. I didn't want to talk about my episode, I don't want to talk about.

During dinner, the table was silent. The only thing that you could hear is the clink sound coming from our utensils and plates. I offered to wash the dishes, but my mother insisted she would do it. She just wanted me to stay with Gemma on the main floor.

About an hour and a half later, I can feel myself getting sleepy. My sister guided me upstairs. I went to the bathroom first and brushed my teeth, then went into my room to change, then went straight to bed. I was out like a light.

~~~

The next morning I wasn't feeling good. I was anxious and nervous to leave this house. I couldn't physically or mentally do it. My mum told me to stay home for next day or two. She wants me to rest and not stress on anything else.

She's extremely worried. She's so gentle and so concerning around. I'm happy that she does care for me and does understand, but I don't want to worry her. Worrying is the last thing I want her to feel.

She's only worried because I was once really sad before and she had absolutely no idea. I remember while I was the hospital, all she did was cry or tried not to cry. She thought that she failed me and that made my heart ache badly.

Gemma feels very differently, she's traumatized for what happened. While I was at the hospital, she had to sit outside in the hallways. She couldn't look at me, or speak to me. She even had to talk to somebody about how she felt with me.

I need to stay strong for them, i don't want to go back to the way I was. I don't want to cause any more problems with my family, and I just don't want to be sad again.

~~~

a/n

so that's Harry's POV. What do you think happened to Harry that made him so traumatized just from a boy?

love you all thank you so much for staying with me !!

~ rose