Holmes/Watson OneShots

Victor Trevor

You could say that it was a rather normal day at 221b Bakerstreet, with me, resting my feet, which were tired from a long morning walk, in front of the fireplace, holding a book about tiger hunting in my hands, while Holmes was hunkering over one of his famous experiments, whose use was still a mystery to me. The room was quiet, neither of us said a word (sometimes we stayed hours like this without minding it) until fast steps were hearable, then a knock on the door and it finally was opened by our housekeeper. „Mr Holmes, a letter from India has just arrived for you..." We both, Holmes and I, looked at her with astonishment, but as soon as he saw the envelope Mrs Hudson handed him, a smile came across his face. „Thank you..." Our housekeeper left us again, and Holmes- I gotta say that it was usually not his fashion when he was working on something- opened the envelope immediately, almost impatiently, in an agitation he usually only had for his work, and started reading the letter. When he was done and looked up, his eyes met mine and the grin on his face told me that I didn't hide my curiosity nearly as well as I intended to. „Being snoopy is no shame, my dear Watson, yet you shouldn't let it rule over you!", he teased. I felt a deep sigh escape my lips. „Patience, my dear, patience!" He wiggled around in his chair, something he only did when he was in high spirits. My curiosity only grew because I knew the letter and my clumsiness were responsible for this... But suddenly, the smile he gave me became tender and friendly. „I never told you about my times at college,did I?" I shook my head. „Then the name Victor Trevor isn't familiar to you?" Again I shook my head. „Let's say...he was an important reason why I chose my current profession. You could also say that he lifted me from my lazy feet and brought me my first case. Much to his own misery..." „Why that?" „Cause he consulted me in the mystery of his father's death. Poor Victor never was the same after this incident. I haven't heard from him in a while...but today..." He lifted the envelope. „Today was the day this letter arrived, bringing some news from my old friend after such a long time..." For some reason, his smile turned bitter when he said this to me. „He was-and still is- a good boy, Watson. You know that I am not a social fellow, never was and probably never will be. Most time at college I spend alone, doing my work or experimenting. Other students avoided me, but I'd have to lie if I told you that I cared much about it. Under normal circumstances I wouldn't have made acquaintance with Victor either... If it wasn't for his dog. It buried its teeth in my leg... Oh,don't make a face like that, dear fellow! If you don't believe me,I still have a beautiful scar from that day..." He chuckled. „I wasn't able to walk for days and lived like a prisoner in my own room, not able to do much... and you know that this is torture for me. Victor came to visit me every day, brought me material from the last study or books so I wouldn't die of boredom. At first it was because he felt guilty, the conversations were short... But after some time, the two of us started to enjoy each other's company. The visits were longer and we started talking about stuff apart from school. He was the first one to appreciate my talent in forming precise deductions and told me to turn it into a profession. It was at this point we became...friends..."

From his hesitation, the tenderness in his voice, which was so different from his usually rational and nonchalant way of talking, and from the usage of Trevor's first name it was rather obvious for me what kind of feelings Holmes had hold for that boy. For some reason his insecurity in that area made me smile. And after that, he gave me an account of the case which I wrote down under the name „GloriaScott"...but at that time, I was more interested in the part of his heart which Holmes opened before me with this story. It was the story of a young man that, in some senses at least, was so different from the Holmes I knew...more carefree and open towards feelings...a Holmes I'd have loved to meet myself...but I met and fell in love with the present Holmes after all, not with his past self... „After that, Viktor went to Terai, teaplanting. In the beginning, we wrote letters quite frequently, but after a while even that contact to him broke apart. This letter from him came after a very long time without us having any contact at all... He..." His firm hand around the envelope was shaking. „...wrote that he'll get married this summer..." For some time, neither of us spoke... Holmes' eyes were fixed upon the letter and I watched his face carefully. I have no doubt that this was the most vulnerable state I've ever seen him in. Then, finally, I had the courage to ask him a question. 

„Are you hurt?" Holmes titled his head and looked into my eyes, but I wasn't able to read his. „It may surprise you just as much as it surprises me..Yes. Yes, I am. I may sound hypocritical, but... I never thought of him being in another relationship. Thinking of him meant thinking of us for me... I never could imagine him as old man or father because every time I think of him, I think of this boy whose dog almost bit my leg off... This heart-broken boy who ran off after his father's death to start a new life. A life in which I wasn't necessarily included." „But why? When you loved that Trevor, why didn't you come with him? Or better, why did you even let him go?" A pained expression crossed Holmes' face. „Back then I used the excuse that I couldn't come with him to Terai because my life, my profession was here in London, that I was needed here... but I lied to him, I lied to myself. Maybe I could have formed a life with him there, a happy carefree life, far away from everyone we knew... Running away like the young couples in your romantic novels..." He smiled at me. „But that never happened. We knew about the other's feelings, but it never crossed that line to something more than friendship. Maybe it was the fear... The danger of being discovered was just too high, especially at college and I think we both also couldn't bare the thought of being judged by our loved ones. You may think of me as a man who never learnt to care much about other people's opinions, but that is not true. There was a time in which I cared too much and I had to learn that some people just aren't worth it. I had thought that maybe after college it could be different but I told you how much Victor changed after his father's death. He was a sweet boy...sweet and curious and I had admired his good heart and cheerfulness from the moment he first came to visit me. After this incident however, he turned the opposite. He was still the kind-hearted young lad, but his optimism and cheerfulness had turned into pessimism and depression. I had thought that maybe I could be there for him, but pretty fast he had made the decision to leave England before we could make any further steps in rearranging our relationship. I had decided to stay here, and after he was gone, I knew I had made the worst mistake in my life. I let work consume me in order to forget about him. Not only Victor had changed because of all this. I did too. I missed that one chance to be with the one I love because fear stood in my way, so I decided that, if I should ever fall in love again, I'll do everything differently. I wouldn't ever let fear rule over my life again. If I may seem a bit hasty to you sometimes in this matter...you at least know why now. After Victor, I thought I'd never have the chance to meet a man that would be able to touch my hidden heart. But then, and yes, I am aware of how cheesy this sounds, you came along and it was like seeing colors again after years of only black and white..." His eyes turned dreamy and the smile on his lips lost all the pain. He reached out his arm and I got up and grabbed his hand, letting him pull me towards him. „And I am very glad you are with me, John..." I smiled at him as he pulled me on the armrest of his chair. „I am so happy you told me all this...", I responded, stroking aside a strand of hair which losened and was laying across his forehead. He took my hand and pressed a kiss against my palm. No more words were needed... I smiled at my partner, at the love of my life...and in that moment, just „happy" wasn't enough to express how I felt. To see how much Holmes seemed to trust me to tell me all this...Made me feel better, it made me feel...special. He kissed me, and I could have sunken into his arms... but I was still so curious... „Did anything ever happen between the two of you? I... I mean like a kiss? Not even a cute innocent little kiss?" Holmes held me with his glare and I feared that I had asked the wrong question. Damn, did I sound like a jealous wife? If theres something I am NOT than it is a jealous person... but no, Holmes leaned back and thought for a while, his eyes closed. „Yes. There was one. One kiss. Not that innocent, but it didn't become more. It was on his last evening. I helped him pack his stuff, and because I knew it was my last chance and that I wouldn't have anything to lose, I kissed him. I wasn't surprised that he kissed me back since I knew about his feelings...but the kiss got faster out of hand than I had expected it to..." I smirked and even the corner of Holmes' lips started twitching. „I am not good with words, and back then I wasn't either...so it was my way to show him that I'll miss him and that I love him... I don't know if it made saying goodbye easier or more difficult for me...but even if it is linked with a spoon full of sorrow, I am happy for him that he found his luck and cheerfulness again." „You have a kind heart, Sherlock..." I gently kissed his temple. „And don't even try to argue with me on that... you opened it in front of me just now, risking to show me your vulnerable side. And the risk was worth it cause I happen to love every side on you..." He gave me a faint smile and gently squeezed my hand. „My dear Watson, I'd be lost without your understanding and loyal soul! I'd indeed be lost without my Boswell..."