Everything is Shitty

Chapter Twenty: Is it over?

Craig
     I take a deep breath. I shouldn't... I have people who love me, people who care about me... people who are going to be sad when I'm gone... I can't just... leave them like this. I should go home and apologize for leaving like that... I sigh and play with my fingers. They don't deserve this.... I don't want to put them in pain...

Stan
    Oh Jesus Christ Craig c'mon.... once we get to where it says he is we pull in to some motel, Clyde zooms in and gets the exact room. Upon knocking, there's no answer. I look around and nudge Clyde.
    "Dude... his car isn't here." He looks at examines the app.
    "Fuck I didn't update it." He clicks the refresh button and see he isn't here anymore.
    "You're wasting our time you fucking idiot!" I shake him
Clyde gasps "okay, Tweek... keep refreshing and let me know if there's any updates. Stan keep calling Craig and see if he'll answer." He instructs. Good. Get your fuckin head in the game and let's go!

Craig
    I can't... right? That's not... this isn't... I feel so scared... so anxious as I stare at the rushing river. Steep. Yes. I've looked into it. Fantasized about this exact river. The rushing water. The height. Gravity would make that water feel like concrete.
    But him... I can't help but feel like he'll miss me... and I'll miss him... maybe I do. Once it's over... it's gonna be over... I won't have those worries... but he will... he'll miss me... of course he will... and so will Tweek... and my mom... they'll all miss me.
    It's such a selfish thought. Jumping, leaping... flying toward a breath of fresh air... and in this thought all of the anxiety melts away... all of the guilt.. the pain. There's a loud screech of a car, pulling me from these thoughts. When I look back at it I see Stan. He sprints toward me and grabs me, pulling me into a tight embrace.
"Craig..." He whimpers, Tweek and Clyde follow soon after. My eyes shut tightly as I grip onto Stan.
"I..." I start, but he's quick to shush me
"It's okay, Tweek told me, and I'm not mad at you... I'm not upset, I'm just happy you're okay..." he cups my cheek and looks me in the eye, I'm speechless... those eyes are beautiful... I stuff my head in his chest and can't help but let out sobs. I'm not a cryer. I try my best to hold back all of my tears as well as my feelings, I wasn't gonna tell anyone... I don't want Stan to know about my unsatisfactory life.
"Stan..." I whine as I sob against him "I'm so sorry..."
"What were you doing out here?" Stan asks as he rubs my back. I just point at the bridge with a shaky hand, before it goes to grip him. He carefully leads me back to the car, asking me for my own keys, he gives them to Tweek. So I guess Tweek will drive my car home... are we going home?
"Let's get you away from there okay?" He suggests, I just nod against him.
I don't want to die
"Stan I was gonna do something awful..." he gets me in the backseat of the car, and he joins me, sighing.
"I know baby boy... but we're gonna go home and talk about it... just relax for now... it'll just be you and I... nobody else has to know..." he uses the backseat as a couch. Laying across it while I lay on top of him. He has a pillow to support his back, and a blanket. I guess it is quite a drive...
"Is your stuff at the motel?" He asks, and I simply shake my head as Clyde joins us in the car. He'll be our Uber I guess...
"Any music you wanna listen to, Craig?" He asks, and I just shake my head; nonetheless, he plays music I like. He knows me pretty well, even though I've been shut off for... years.
     We drive home and it's super relaxing... Clyde isn't driving like a fucking lunatic, like usual, and Stan is just holding me the entire time. I feel like I've made a scene..
    "Stan... are you gonna break up with me?" I ask with a small whimper.
    "Of course not... I love you. I'm not gonna leave you over something Tweek insisted that you do..."
    "It hurts..." I whimper as I hold onto him for dear life. I know we're gonna talk about it when we get home. Maybe after resting... but I've lost track of time... the sun is falling... hiding underneath the horizon, and I can only tell because it's shining in my eyes whenever I peek at something.
    "Are you hungry?" Stan asks, and yes. My stomach is roaring for food. I don't want to feed it though.
    "No, I'm okay... I had food... earlier." I can't say this morning, because I know that if I do he'll make me eat again, and I can't say this afternoon because I actually don't know if it's afternoon or not. So earlier is my best word choice, and Stan sighs.
    "Okay, babe. We'll eat when we get home. Maybe Tweek can cook us up something good and we can talk..." he sighs, I can tell he's sad... maybe disappointed? Oh god.. I really did fuck up didn't I?
     "We can stop and get food..." I sigh
     "Are you sure?" He asks, and I nod. So we stop off somewhere to get something. I eat something small. I feel sick to my stomach... I can't believe this whole day happened... After food, which we called Tweek for and he joined us, we pile back in. Clyde said it was nice to get his legs stretched, and I apologize for the inconvenience.
    Clyde shrugs with a small smirk "Dont sweat it, your death would've been much more of an inconvenience." He sighs
    "Yeah because I pay for all of the things you love." I roll my eyes
    "Can we... not talk about it? Let's wait until we get home... okay?" Stan pipes in, and I just stay silent, so does Clyde.
    I'm dreading this fucking talk.