Lost Without You

3

Lukas had never had the chance to watch her sleep.

He had spent most of the summer with her getting up after she had left and never really had the chance to see her true beauty.

He loved the way the skin glowed in the sunlight. How her golden waves spread out over her bare skin like it was her own halo. He just wanted to feel her skin against his and listen to her soft breathing.

So was so peaceful, so beautiful. He'd never seen her in a more perfect phase.

Lukas ran his hand up her soft back and cupped her face, placing a kiss on her cheek.

"Morning" she mumbled through her pillow.

"Good morning, beautiful." He kissed her back, "Did you sleep well?"

Jenya gave a sleep giggle, "The best I have had in a very long time now let me enjoy these last few minutes."

Lukas pulled her to him and watched her fall back asleep. His hand continuously stroked her hair, a small smile plastered on to his face.

"Jenya Mossi, I love you. I have loved you since I can remember. Your blond waves, your crystal eyes, your soft skin, your smile- they get to me. God, if I didn't have you I'd be so lost. I didn't know what I had until I finally got you and now..." His voice cracked softly as tears welled up in his eyes "And now I have to say goodbye. I can't go off to war and know that you are waiting for me to return. I can't risk the thought of hurting you. I can't go to war and know that if I die, you will have no one because you waited for me."

Lukas placed one final kiss on her lips before standing up to collect his clothes. He tucked the sheets around her and placed the letter on his pillow, "I hope you can forgive me, Jenya."

And with that, Lukas Diederich walked out of the bedroom, leaving her forever.
~   ~    ~
"Lukas Diederich." A voice hissed in the darkness.

"What?" He groaned, squinting at the bright light.

"We need to talk."

Lukas sat up, blinking a few times against the harsh light. "Nikoletta? What are you doing here?" He questioned the girl sitting at the edge of his bed.

Nikoletta, his cousin's wife, sat on his bed, "So you know how Brett and I were on campus the other day, picking up Giovanna from the campus?"

Lukas hadn't paid much attention recently to affairs around the house. He didn't care anymore. He nodded, "Sure?"

She sighed, shaking her head, "You really should pay attention. Anyways, we were and so we were sitting on the bench under this amazing tree when we saw Jenya. Of course, Brett wanted to say hi but she was a little busy talking to someone."

"And? What's the point?" Lukas snapped, "Are you here to tell me she moved on?"

"It's drugs." She said.

His heart stopped, "Drugs?"

Nikoletta nodded, "Narcotics too be specific. A young blond girl gave them to her right before she got into Tyler's car."

Lukas stood, his hands rubbing his face, "I did this to her. I should've known that she would turn to drugs once I left."

"How could you have known? Lukas, she made the decision on her own." Nikoletta argued, crossing her arms.

"But I left her the letter. I told her I couldn't be with her. I'm the one who used her and left the next day. I'm the one who drove her to depression. God, if I hadn't left none of this would have happened."

"You were drafted what could you have done?" Nikoletta asked.

Lukas sat down again, shaking his head, "I don't know."

Nikoletta opened her mouth to say something but a sudden knock at the door stopped her. 

They both stared at the door for a minute before Lukas finally stood to open it.

And there she was standing in front of him, her arms crossed protectively over her chest. Her delicate lips were trembling as she murmmered one word, "Lukas."

He swallowed down the sensation to wrap his arms around her and he let her name slip of his lips, "Jenya."

Her eyes met his and he could see the tears starting to leak.

He had gone to far in his way to not hurt her that he hurt her anyway.

"Get rid of her before you accidentally spill everything to her!" Nikoletta  muttered from behind the door.

Lukas cleared his throat and put his arm against the frame of the door.

"I-I just thought I'd stop by to say hi. You know, since we just arrived." She said, her hands tucking farther into her sides.

Lukas blinked.

She looked different. She wore her usually clothing, her denim shorts and an old tee shirt but her whole appearance beside that was off.

Her blond hair was longer, like she hadn't cut it in a while. Her once glittering blue eyes were now dull, grey orbs. Her lips were thinned out, along with the rest of her body.

She looked awful. He felt awful.

A harsh kick to the leg made him come back to reality. He shot a glare over his shoulder, "Jenya, I can't talk to you right now. I don't have time for you."

The words were like a bullet in his heart. He had always made sure there was enough time for her in his day.

He could see her tears welling up. He could feel his start to come to the surface to and there was no way he'd let her see him hurt.

"I don't want to talk today, ok Jenya? Go bother someone else." He snapped, before closing the door.

Nikoletta smiler sadly at him, "You did what you had to do, Lukas. She is bad news."

Lukas swallowed, "That's the problem. I love her."

"Then you have to learn not to."