I Should Be Studying

15: I Shouldn't Be Paranoid About Your Feelings

Word Count: 1,523

Niall's POV

I don't remember much... but I know Evelyn and I slept in the same bed, for sure. I pat down on the opposite end of the bed but find it empty, but still warm. Maybe she's just in the toilet.

I can honestly say that I have no idea where I am; I can barely see my own hand as I hold it in front of my face. Not a sound is heard, besides the ceiling fan and the ticking of a clock, which is definitely driving me a bit mad.

I've been lying awake for 5 minutes, waiting for Evelyn to reappear. Maybe she slept in another room because I took up the whole space or something. Or maybe she's sleeping ahead of the jacks again. Wait, that's not possible because she didn't drink.

I let out involuntary groans as I slide out of the bed and stand to my feet. I'm so dizzy and still can't see. I pat down on my pockets and take my phone, using it as a flashlight; I'm at Colleen's house, the bedroom Evelyn and I fell asleep in after cleaning.

It's awfully dark and my vision is still a bit blurry. The stillness of the house is honestly beginning to scare me. The only thing I hear are my footsteps and the almost silent sound of the a/c unit.

Coming into the frat house at half 5 in the morning is one of the most embarrassing things I could possibly do but I was left with no choice.

I definitely wasn't staying in that enormous house by myself, it'd go mad! I've never really been used to sleeping alone, there has always been someone either across the room or across the hall, so I'm not down with complete isolation. And there was no use in calling Sean to stay at his place again since Dylan was already there, so I wouldn't want to be a bother.

I slowly slide past the front door and take quiet steps up the staircase avoiding to wake anyone. When I reach my door, I wrap my hand around the knob feeling a bit upset.

I understood the letter but why didn't I ever ask for her number? I mean, we've slept together both literally and metaphorically, we've spoken of so many topics; why wasn't mobile numbers one!?

I look and feel like such a weirdo standing at my door speaking to myself in my head. I turn the knob and am barely able to make anything out. I drag my feet across the floor, as quietly as possible, to my nightstand and switch my lamp on, looking over to the bed on the other side of the room. My roommate was tucked under his duvet, his head the only body part sticking out. I sat on the edge of the bed to just contemplate my life.

Seeing him disgusted me. Oh, did I mention, Darragh is my roommate. You could only imagine how risky this situation is now because not only did I "take" her, I took what he wanted from her, which is why I'm not gonna tell him anything that happened.

Usually, roommates are the best of friends, practically brothers, but that wasn't the case with Darragh, well at least not anymore. You see, Darragh and I used to be close.

My freshman year, I used to look up to Darragh since he was so good with girls and slept around and I was, well, the opposite; I couldn't barely talk to girls and always ended up staying at Sean's since I had to leave the room to Darragh so he could take girls to bed. Though, he soon figured it was better to go to their place to avoid kicking them out the next morning.

One night, he gave me what he liked to call a "do-over", changing my style and giving me "lessons" on how to pick girls up.

"Rule #1 to all of this: don't fuck with feeling," he said to me. "You hit it and you quit it."

I agreed to everything he taught me and soon he was hooking me up with the hottest girls on campus. But either way, I couldn't gain enough courage to actually take a girl to bed. They were always nice enough to understand and they put a good word out for me to Darragh, giving him the illusion that I was "great". It continued on for about a few months until I realised just how wrong all of this was. He had no feelings whatsoever. He slept with poor girls whom he made seem he liked, only to leave 'em after they fell asleep.

I couldn't help but feel like that was my situation at the moment, what if she saw it as just a one night stand? I mean, she did argue a lot on going back to Sean's, then the next day when I had to persuade her into going for drinks with us. I run my hands over my face and groan, resting my elbows on my knees.

"Alright lad?" a sleepy voice inquires. I had almost forgotten he was asleep in the same room.

"Sorry for waking you," I apologise. "It's been a long night."

"S'fine," he croaks, sitting up. "Wanna talk about it?" I had also forgotten the compassionate side he had to those of his gender.

"What are we? Girls?" I chuckle. "You can go back to sleep, I'm gonna shower." He hums in response, letting his head fall to his pillow again.

As I let the water run over my head, I gasp for a breath but refuse to step out of it, it feels too refreshing. I haven't showered since the day of Colleen's party; pretty gross, now that I think of it. At least now I can use my own manly shampoos and body washes instead of her pink girly shit. I step ahead of the showers stream to scrub my body.

I take my bottle of shower gel and squirt some onto my hand, the colour resembling something I can't quite put my finger on, but after I remember, yes, I did put my fingers on them. It's the same blue of Evelyn's knickers.

I smile to myself as I begin to scrub my body, remembering that night all over again. Nothing even mattered to us, everyone could go fuck themselves because in that moment, we were each other's, not anybody else's. Fuck, it wouldn't hurt to have a quick wank.

I remember her smell and her smile. Gosh, that smile as I removed her of her bottoms was unforgettable. I remember the expression on her face as I thrusted into her. I remember the feeling of her hot breaths on my chest. Oh, and the sound of her voice as she cursed in my ear. Fuck, the taste of her lips as she moaned my name.

"Lad, I need to wee," I hear a voice echo, making me jump. I panic, looking down at my hand, which is firmly grasping Willy, my penis.

"Ah, yeah, go on," I jitter, stepping forward to rinse my body of the froth. Son of a bitch, I need to finish.

"Wanna go out for some breakfast?" Darragh asks, as his piss hits the water in the bowl. "I got the urge to eat some crepes," he adds. "And it feel like a lifetime since we've been together."

"Eh, yeah sure," I say nervously.

I'm too worked up not to finish myself off, but Evelyn and Darragh just don't mix. Also I'm not so quiet, I'm surprised he didn't hear anything because trust me, he's the type to point it out.

I wash and rinse my hair before he finally steps out, telling me he'd like to shower as well before we go on. Then, as the door shuts, my brain is triggered to a memory of earlier today. I'm not sure if we slept together again, it's still hazy. But I remember pinning her against a wall and kissing her. This isn't helping much. I should just go back to that night!

Let me just think of the way she bobbed her head around me. Oh, and the smile she shot up at me as I held her hair in my hands. The way she asked me if I liked it in her sexy accent. Fuck. Ah, yes. Gosh, the way her eyes poured into mine as she pulsated around me. I wish she was mine to keep. Holy shit that felt good.

With my forearm, I held myself against the wall and leaned my forehead on it, looking down and I swear I could see her eyes looking up at me as she takes it in. I catch myself whispering her name, telling her to speed up, even though I'm the one who's doing the pleasuring, but it feels right. As I feel myself reaching my high, I bite down on both my lips to keep myself from making a sound.

By this single act, I know that this girl is gonna be the death of me.