Corona Diaries

may 8, 2020

(⚠ just so u know, in this one I do talk about my mental health in these times. it isn't pretty, exactly, so if ur upset by that stuff, like don't read of skip it. 4th paragraph⚠)

dear diary, 

today was another regular day. boring, boring, boring. Man, when your parents/grandparents tell sorties from their childhoods it's all, "I was a party girl, and had men around the block lined up for me!" My most exciting story will be, "Well, there was a global pandemic, and I stayed home and didn't do anything for two months. Maybe more. Uh, no; no school, but I didn't hang out with friends, either. I stayed in bed all day and did Online School and 30% of the homework that I was supposed to." How riveting. 

Today after school I was lying in bed, putting off chores, and my new kitten came to play! She's adorable. Her name's Indie, after Indiana Jones, and she's the newest black cat of 3. Yes, 3 black cats. She's bonded to Beans, the middle child, well. Beans hated indie at first, but now they playfight and stomp around the house chasing each other all day. I can tell beans loves it; she's never had another cat to play with, because the eldest cat isn't too into playing, or any other cats really. Maggie is sociable tho, she want on a walk with my father and me today, pretending that she was just going the same way. I love them.

Something that I really want to try is longboarding. I want to get good during 'rona season so after she passes through, I can be a pro. I've looked up some longboards to get off amazon and damn, they are expensive! like 100-200 for a decent longboard! I'm hoping to still get one though, it could really cut down my commute times through the city. I don't want a skateboard. They're for tricks, mostly, and I just want fresh air and a ride. I also don't want a penny board. I've been on one, they're tiny. I feel like I'd fall off. No shade to pennyboarders, just doesn't seem like it's good for me. Not looking to sustain a head injury. 

anyways now that I have loads of time on my hands, I'm overthinking and my brain is bringing up half buried traumatic memories for me to mull over for a very long time. it's great! (sarcasm, sorry) You know, at 3am, I just love it when my brain brings up that one time that thing happened, and now I can't fucking let it go. Like my relationship with my mom was fine, then my brain said, "mmm. no. let's fuck this up; yeah, that's it." she doesn't know I'm upset, I'm at my grandparents for Online Learning and was left alone with my thoughts. She's gonna fid out, but  don't want to talk to her. Looking back, a lot of trauma comes from my mom. concerning. I can't WAIT to start therapy again holy fuck. TFW ur overthinking and ur brain is digging up painful memories whenever you have time to be with your thoughts and now u hate ur mom.

see, that's why I stay up until ungodly hours of the morning. I tire myself out while keeping myself occupied, then pass out without hours and hours to think and regret and fell painful memories again. I'm so tired by sunrise, that I pass out, and when I am falling asleep, I'm think about all the media I just consumed, not somethings I regret. 

mental health in corona town check

I can't wait for summer. Corona better be over, and it's gonna be a fucking blast. 

I hope.

sincerely, 

Grindy

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thank u for reading!!! sorry if it got sad there for a bit, but this is about how we're doing during these times, and I'm going to try to be honest. It's not gonna be easy staying inside for months on end. for history, right?

vote n comment!❤

anyways, ily!! wash your hands, stay safe, and STAY HOME.