assured liar ☼ poe dameron

XXI

Would I die? Possibly.

Did I care? No.

I wanted to die doing the one thing that would bring the galaxy peace.

I wanted to die killing Kylo Ren.

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It's been another week.

It happened quite quickly, preparations for the attack were all set in place, I was annoyed because I was kept in the dark for the most part. Leia insisted I try and stay calm she even suggested meditating which made me scoff.

I noticed General Organa's behaviour was odd recently, I assumed it was grief but she seemed to be uncomfortably positive last week. Hmmm I guess people deal with it differently.

The loss of everyone favourite pilot was becoming less apparent. People switched from grief to 'revenge'. Everyone on the base had something they wanted to get back on. The First order had ruined thousands of lives, I was a part of it all.

After escaping I spent the rest of my life lying to anyone who showed any interest in me. I pushed people away, scared of losing them. I made that mistake with Seth. He died thinking I told him the truth.

The weight of my lies heaved me down.

Anyone I killed, I lied to- and they all believed me. The children I said "It's going to be ok" to, all dead. All the innocent people I lured in, all dead.

I tried to forget it all. Leave the past behind. But I just couldn't do it when I saw myself in the mirror. A blank canvas staring back into my eyes. Looking in deeper than I would've liked. I painted myself to be a strong individual with good morals. But it was all a lie.

I was- no no- I am an assured liar.

Lies slipped through my fake smile like melting butter so sweet and sinful. The crinkles around my eyes lasted as long as someone was stood in front of me. I was waist deep in my own words, keeping up with different stories was hard.

Heavy footsteps stopped by my feet.

"Hey"

I rolled out from under the X-Wing I was fiddling with and a frown dominated my face. I looked Aaram up and down with pure disgust. He reached out his hand offering me to take it and stand up. I shook my head and leant on the plane to support myself up.

"What do you want" I bit the inside of my cheek to prevent myself from lashing at his neck.

"To apologise"

I laughed out loud holding my belly purely amused by his shit attempt at being nice.

"To apologise?" I panted between words.

"Please the last thing I want from you is an apology" I took a tentative step back and bashed against the plane.

"Listen it was wrong I shouldn't have laid my hands on you.." he looked sincere which caused me to double over with ridicule.

"Fuck off" I snarled

"No"

"Ok... Fuck off please? Is that better?" I clenched the rag I had in my hand tightly, he looked down at my white fist.

"Poe was right you are feisty" he chuckled and closed the space between us.

"You know nothing about me"

"Is that so rags? Well I'd like to know more"

"And this is your way of being nice. Would've done it differently if I were you" I watched his gaze not intimidated by his height and heavily annoyed at the new nickname he got.