Cadence Book Reviews

A Is for Arson: A Langley & Porter Mystery Critique Feedback

Username: ANHort1227
Story Title: A is for Arson: A Langley & Porter Mystery
Story Genre: Mystery
Option: 5 Chapter
Date: 5/9/2020

Critique: Cadence
Total Points: {74/106} There's room for improvement, but isn't that the point of life? :)
Final Comment: Highly entertaining to the right audience, it had me through every long chapter. It brought me to a place and time I've never lived, but it felt so real. Job well done. It's most certainly a story I would read, had I come across it sooner.

Opening Chapter

Hook Sentence: {4}  Good, but it's a little awkward unless the reader is familiar with the setting and word meanings. However, because this is the style of the story, it works perfect.
Hook Paragraph: Very intriguing.
Backstory: {4} A little bit at a time, when it's relevant. Very good and easy to read.
Scene Description: {4} Also a matter of genre (like chapter length and language), sometimes lengthy. However, executed well enough that it's enjoyable to read and easy to picture. The world comes alive and the characters breathe actual experience.
Character Introduction: {5} It wasn't in the middle of a great accident or exploring a jungle. In fact, it was rather modest and aided in describing their whole lives and the culture at the time. I especially love Langley's introduction, though it screams a familiar character type. Above all, it works for the story and the characters. Highly intriguing.

Plot

Genre Expectations: {5} The mystery is real. She has a great wondering for more information to do with her father's debts. She's led down the trail of an amateur detective of sorts--a detective in training but with "the right stuff."
Themes: {5} Detective is obvious. Feminism is pressing and the struggle is alive. There's a clear push for power, but she is stuck in a man's world. She is outspoken though, and dares to go where most women would not have gone. Historical and Victorian Era are also prevalent, as well as a hint of possible love.
Structure: {4} This one is hard to say without reading the whole story, but the beginning is well-developed and keeps gaining ground.
Creativity: {4} Another one of those that are hard to judge with only five chapters, but it is present. I love the creativity here--specifically Charlotte's background--but it does follow similar patterns to other stories.
Suggestions for Improvement: Listed above.

Overall

Spelling/Redundancy: {2} There's some redundancy in how you begin your sentences, but you're handling this well. It helps to stagger the words and phrasing every couple sentences before you reuse one (like "the" or "he").
Grammar/Punctuation: {3} Be mindful, this isn't perfect as can be! There's always something to be learned. :)
Use of Language: {4} Fits the genre, place, time. It's consistent and has much creative variation of long and short words.
Voice/Style: {4} Good.
Point of View: {5} Very good at staying in the right POV.

Protagonist: {8} Charlotte Porter has to be the best part of the story. She's a frontier woman in Victorian London. Her will often steps in before her thinking skills in the way that she is as brave as any young man would've been. She's curious and astute, which aids her in her quest for a job right off the bat. Your writing describes her thoughts, actions, and observations with much detail, so that you can follow her like a movie playing out, only with your senses more alive.
Second Protagonist: {7} Although not a character in which we hear narrate the story from his point of view, Alexander Langley presents to be another great character. He is humorous and clever, unafraid to insert himself into situations most men of the time would refuse, such as allowing himself to have a woman partner of whom would speak business matters with him. Both characters are well-rounded and develop nicely over the course of these five chapters.
Antagonist: {6} The antagonist of the story is not perfectly clear. It is those who the debt is owed to by Mr. Porter, but it is also society. The debtors are somewhat cliche', but society poses a bigger life interest. Society says that Charlotte cannot be so many things. It says that her education is lacking and her sex a barrier of sorts. It's very real and how she will continue to deal with this is a very worth while reason to keep reading.

Ending

Memorable: Doesn't Apply, but the story so far is memorable.
Wrapped Things Up: Doesn't Apply.
Satisfying: Doesn't Apply.

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