Cadence Book Reviews

To Dream of Sky Critique Feedback

Username: Skyshadow11

Story Title: To Dream of Sky
Blurb: When Rowan is taken to the world of Alitheia against her will because of magic she doesn't want, she must investigate the runecasting academies before her past lands her in grave danger.
Story Genre: Fantasy

Option: 10 Ch.
Date: JUNE

Critique: Cadence
Total Points: {77/96}
Final Comment: Strangely, it reminds me of Harry Potter; parents with secret pasts who die, an academy of magic, enemies long thrown out coming back to hunt the children. However, you made this story your own, full of wisdom for young readers and entertainment for all who venture its pages. Great work.

Opening Chapter

Hook Sentence: {4} Good, but it took a second read to articulate the meaning. It's unique, but it could use something to help it draw more attention, a more popping description.
Hook Paragraph: {4} Short and sweet. The second paragraph is more interesting though. It's worth considering excluding the first paragraph.
Backstory: {4} Pretty good.
Scene Description: {4} Well done for the story. However, there are sections where places and buildings could be described better. It's always good to leave room for imagination, but you need a basis in which to imagine it. Good work.
Character Introduction: {4} I like how uniquely you introduced the characters on the set. Their moods under the circumstance worked well for their personalities and helped me to feel as though they were real, each their own.

Plot

Genre Expectations: {5} Perfect.
Themes: {5] Apparent in the story.
Structure: {7} Hard to confirm without reading the whole story, but it appears to have good story flow and structure. The excitement and information of the story continues to grow.
Creativity: {8} Schools in far off lands and being born to parents with big secrets who die are somewhat common today. However, you turned this story into your own dream, a dream of sky. I love your creativity and the hard work you put into the plot.
Suggestions for Improvement: Noted elsewhere.

Overall

Spelling/Redundancy: {3} Good.
Grammar/Punctuation: {3} Good.
Use of Language: {4} Creative and consistent.
Voice/Style: {4} Attention holding.
Point of View: {5} Good.

Protagonist: {7} At times, it's hard to get into her head and feel connected because of her mood and how she always knows everything but doesn't react in a lot of ways. As the story progressed though, I could see her becoming better. She's very interesting and feels like how a real person would be under the circumstances she was raised.
Second Protagonist: --
Antagonist: {6} Right now, the antagonist intended would be Copperlonn. He's yet to really show his true colors. However, the threat of this place and the past we become increasingly aware of, the danger grows. It becomes more detailed and a worthy contender to the protagonist. Keep on improving!

Ending

Memorable: Doesn't Apply.
Wrapped Things Up: Doesn't Apply.
Satisfying: Doesn't Apply.

Critique Additional Notes: The second chapter is very insightful and worth having in there. However, it feels like it comes too soon. Of course, we don't know yet what it protects against just yet, which helps to leave some mystery. In the chapter "Stories to Tell," there's a lot of jumping around. All are good moments, but it feels random because we aren't given a lot of the blanks.

As for your concerns, the characters are a little bit shallow for the first ten chapters. However, near the end of ten chapters, they were growing so much realer to life. They're interesting and I want to learn more about them. Which brings up another note. Amber was worried and didn't want to go home. She started to feel like a character we should get to know. If we don't return and find something substantial about her, it just feels like a red herring, or something we're led to pay attention to as if it matters to the plot, only to mean nothing at all. As for your plot and writing style, I love them. It's a unique plot and writing style. They compliment each other.