Cadence Book Reviews

Silent Hill: Angel Critique Feedback

Username: Ellen_Reese

Story Title: Silent Hill: Angel
Blurb: Axel, Angel, and Averel Hellwick are on a dangerous journey to search for their parents, whom they completely lost contact with since their departure to the ghost town of Silent Hill.Entering this town is easy. Getting the hell out of it is the hard part.In Silent Hill, each of the Hellwicks will trigger a nightmare of their own creation--and, of all of them, Angel's nightmare is the worst. Man-eating dogs, creepy crawling mannequins, and a bulky monster with a giant axe are just the first of the terrors born from his deepest, darkest thoughts.Angel's been keeping a secret from his family, and, in this town which feeds off fear and agony, it may very well kill them all.Follow the Hellwicks as they discover what twisted world is hidden in Silent Hill... the hard way.
Story Genre: Horror

Option: 20 Chapters
Date: 5/16 Period

Critique: Cadence
Total Points: 78/96
Final Comment: What has been done here is taking our worst possible fears and giving them real world meaning, for better or worse. Despite some rough description and gory scenes, this story is too deep to be ignored. It has an impact. Great story.

Opening Chapter

Hook Sentence: {4} Very intriguing.
Hook Paragraph: {4} Interesting, despite weather being a somewhat cliche' topic. I especially like the part about "no arguments in the air."
Backstory: {3} There isn't a lot of backstory in the first chapter, but what is there is put in just the right places.
Scene Description: {3} Good description, but it can be elaborated on. When they stop the car, you can delve deeper into the momentary panic of the main character, or looking around after it's happened. A side note on the shirt phrase, it might help to state the words from the shirt, too, in case the picture doesn't load for some readers.
Character Introduction: {3} Interesting, though their descriptions are somewhat lacking and thrown in there. I do like how you've made it unique by starting it off with children in a car poking fun at each other.

Plot

Genre Expectations: {5} Most assuredly met.
Themes: {5} Met and met.
Structure: {9} Good structure. The supsense and mystery kept building and climbing, being presented and answered consistently, but stakes never lowering too much.
Creativity: {8} A little bit is based on the games, from what I can tell. However, your story is clearly your story and is very creative. Good job.
Suggestions for Improvement: Noted elsewhere.

Overall

Spelling/Redundancy: {4} Pretty good here.
Grammar/Punctuation: {3} A little bit broken in places, but overall easy to read and understand.
Use of Language: {4} Good use of language, but always be open to expanding your vocabulary.
Voice/Style: {4} Good consistency of voice.
Point of View: {3} The point of view is somewhat confusing. It's not first, but it's not quite third when it switches between characters in the way it does. Omniscient fits it best, but I'm not as familiar with it. Still, it explains the story fairly well.

Protagonist: {8} Angel's story unfolded as needed, built by his actions and emotions. You can feel how real he is, his fears and motives. His life is one of sadness and fear, but I can see the growth.
Second Protagonist: --
Antagonist: {8} At heart, the antagonist isn't the terrifying monsters and family conflict. It's fighting a war with yourself. Everyone should realize their beauty and self-value, but often we are caught up in our assumed flaws.

Ending

Memorable: Yes, even though it's yet to be completed.
Wrapped Things Up: Doesn't Apply.
Satisfying: Doesn't Apply.

Critique additional notes:
I love the trivia you include at the top of each chapter, as well as the pictures. It brings everything to life and helps us to picture the horror felt by Angel.

Critique additional notes:
Overall, the description gets better as the story goes on. However, slowing down and reading it with fresh eyes, like a new reader, can do a world of difference. Take a break, come back and look through it.

On a side note, I figured it best to finish the story you have so far. There was only a couple more chapters and I have a feeling you wouldn't mind it. Mind you, there's no extra cost. The false ending had me very upset, yet somehow admiring its cleverness. Hence, I was experiencing the pain of a reader and joy of a writer.