Cadence Book Reviews

Wil-o'-Wisp Critique Feedback

Username: eunjoobak
Story title: Wil-O'-Wisp
Story genre: Fiction; YA, Teen fiction, LGBTQ+
Option: Five chapter
Date: Today {9/5/2020}
Critique: Thornful-Roses
Total points: 66/96 (Please see rubric for more information
Final comment: A very interesting story, of which I'd be happy to read in complete.

Opening chapter

Hook sentence: {3} It's good, though it is a little bit cliche' as as far as story openings go.
"I am not who you think I am (Chap 1)."
Hook paragragh:  {4} Eye-catching.
Backstory: {5} The way the backstory was carried throughout the chapters was well executed. Not revealing everything within the first chapter was good--it kept me on my toes, wondering about how things would all come into play in the future.
Scene description: {4} Well done. The sentences weren't dragged out for too long, which would've caused readers to feel bored or annoyed. It was simply described but still gave room for the reader to imagine the rest and be submerged within the writin.
Character introduction: {5} We know them pretty well and want to go along with them in their lives. Cherrie's introduction was interesting. It gave feeling for how we should interpret the whole school system, like when teachers were gushing over his A's. Drav was his opposite, a little rough and vulgar, and into sports instead.

Ending for reviews and whole stories

Memorable:
Very memorable first five chapters, going through their POVS, learning both if their thought process and listening to some stories of their childhood. You learned about their friendship and how they worked together. It really helped build a relationship with said characters, making it even easier to fall in love and want even more to read and remember.

Wrapped things up:
It left a hole for us to wonder anxiously about what will happen next yet on the other side we knew exactly what was going on (all due to only reading part of the story).
It gave a lot to think about.

Satisfying:
Very satisfying.
As we watch Cherrie struggle and Drav not care, and seeing Drav slowly losing it and care, seeping into the mindset of Cherrie and needing one another. It was good.

Protagonist: {8/10}
Cherrie Jade

Cherrie Jade was someone we could connect with. They showed off the good boy, smart, respectful, and kind side. Even the more fearful and anxious side of the relationship, especially with how much he thought about Drav as more than a best friend.  They were interesting together. He was loyal. He cuddled and clinged to his childhood possessions, which was strange and alluring as to the reason. It was enjoyable.

Second protagonist: {6/10}
Drav Emerald

To be introduced on his POV of "fuck it," Cherrie comes first showing how loyal he was and how much he did care for his childhood best friend. It gave us a sense of hope and sent sparks between the two and their relationship. But seeing Drav as a complete opposite of Cherrie made it all the more interesting and eerie for each next chapter. The only sad part was the peer pressure--well, not, exactly, peer pressure but pressure from people he called friends. After finding out one thing, he turned his back on Cherrie and that does show how much of a loose cannon he is. Not wanting to look weak around others or be around weak people for that matter.
His personality really shines through and does capture the "typical toxic male."

Plot

Genre expectations: {4}
It followed the genres quite well, even breaking from them just a little bit which didn't hurt-

Themes: {4}
It's showing off everything really well. It hasn't shown the biggest amount of love get just because if the drama going on for now. But it is slowly going into that zone.

Structure: {7} (Reminder: This is only for the first five chapters, of course.)
Honestly, every chapter was built up and almost ended with a cliffhanger that you couldn't help but want to read more. Everything was built up to the main moment where everything shattered and things went to heck. It repeated this climax too. Which is good, as long as readers don't get tired of reading too many similar ending. It might help to vary the kind of cliff-hanger, like end on happier notes in some.

Suggestions for improvement: Stated above.

Overall

Spelling/redundancy: {2} A little bit of redundancy and repeated speech words, phrases, and patterns.
Grammar/punctuation: {3} Good.
Use of language: {3} Good, as well. To improve, you can grow your vocabulary and style.
Voice/style: {4} Enjoyable.
Point of view: {4} Well done.

Jr Critique additional notes:
The blurb is somewhat too revealing to what will happen in the story, like a summary. It would help if some of the information was revealed in the story only. Also, the character names are unique, but somewhat oddball sounding in combination  with the last names. Overall, enjoyable plot and characters.

Senior Critique additional notes:
Grammar and spelling is all done very well. However, the second chapter's formatting and content is somewhat confusing as to what's going on and it's relevance to the story. It would help if bold, italics, and middle align was not used as often.

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