glitch | ryden soulmate au ✓

10

Do you ever feel like you're falling?

Falling as in you're falling down a never-ending pitch-black hole, where you can't make out the light or even the bottom of the pit.

Falling as in falling away from who you really are, your identity is being stripped away from you until you're no more.

Falling as in falling apart at the seams.

I don't want to fall anymore. I don't want to fall down, I don't want to fall away and I don't want to fall apart.

Falling forever just sounds sad, I don't know why but saying the word itself makes my voice crack and it makes me ponder.

Maybe I overthink too much, it could be that but that's what I always say.

Maybe there is something wrong with me.

It's Saturday, the rain has been drizzling for a while and all I've done so far is lay in bed. Whenever it rains and it pours, I like to close my eyes and listen to the sound of the rain going 'pitter-patter'. It soothes me and makes me feel more relaxed.

Does that mean my plans with Brendon are ruined?

I mean, he said he'd be coming over but I don't know if he can. He can walk, he's done that before but knowing him, I don't think he'd want to walk out in the rain on a Saturday.

Part of me wants to see him, it's been way too long since we hung out and I think being with him would make me feel whole again.

After all, he's one of the things that told me to keep on moving forward and that I should strive for the stars. Brendon has always been so strangely inspirational, that's what I like about him.

He was always there for me, being the good best friend he was. Before my dad was put behind bars, he was known to be one of those raging alcoholics, the bad kinds.

I was young, I didn't know much and I was just naive. My mom would tell me that the things they talked about had nothing to do with me but looking back, they obviously did. My mom was the one that was defending me, she was taking his punches just to protect me.

I don't think I've experienced anything so life-scaring at age thirteen, I come home from school one day to find my mom knocked out cold on the floor. I immediately called the police, I vividly remember choking on my tears and begging her to wake up. Then my dad walked up from behind me, I think I saw his shadow, turned around to face him and he knocked me unconscious.

Everything else was a blur but the next day when I woke up, I woke up in a hospital bed. I can't remember much after that, mainly because they're memories I want to forget. That aside, I was told that my dad was put into jail and that my mom and I would be safe for the time being.

Brendon was there for me, he would hold my hand whenever I was scared and stuff. People would call me names, throw insults at me but Brendon was there to defend me. He knew what I went through and he was the only one who knew, well, Pete knows but he doesn't know as much.

If I haven't called the police, who knows what kind of universe I'd be living in right now. My dad would probably abuse me, probably since I'm self-aware and stuff, call me slurs for having a boy's name on my wrist. Basically your typical religious 'homosexuality is a sin' featuring extra bottles of alcohol and abuse kind of father.

I'm just really happy that he's gone now, it's the best for my mom and I guess for me. I always wondered why they were compatible with each other if my dad was such a shitty asshole, I guess I'll never know the answer to that.

My head jerks up, hearing the three knocks at my door.

"Ryan?", the door opens, my mom's head peaks through the small crack. I give her a small wave, she beams me a smile. "Morning, glad to see you're up. Someone's at the door and he's here to see you."