Comfy Closets

34|| Frustrations and Closure

My breaths came out uneven as my white-knuckled hands gripped the steering wheel. My teeth worried my lower lip as thoughts whirled to visualise what would happen in the next couple of minutes.

What should I say?

Instead of driving in the direction of the café, as I had planned yesterday, I was heading to Leah’s house. It was something I knew I needed to do, because if not, I don’t know what sort of mess will come.

So, the conversation I had with Isabelle on the phone yesterday was awkward, but necessary.

“Al?”

I took in a deep breath. “Yeah, it’s me”

“What’s this about?” I could hear the underlying panic in her voice.

My free hand rubbed my temple unconsciously. “I don’t think I’m gonna get there tomorrow.”

“What?!” Isabelle shouted through the phone. “No, please Al- Alyssa. You said we could talk, please don’t back out. I can’t –”

I interrupted her rambling. “Izzie, stop. I said that wrong. What I mean is I want to move it to another day. I have something to do,” I said with finality.

There was a pause on the other side before I heard her voice come through, quieter than before. “Oh, okay. Yeah. Sure.”

I waited for her to say more, but she didn’t. “Alright, I can meet you this weekend on Saturday. Davey's, same time?”

“Okay,” she said softly. “I’m glad you didn’t cancel, Al.”

I cut the call at that, the defences I built up now coming down. I couldn’t allow myself to be hurt by her again, but it so hard. I’m afraid she inevitably would.

I snapped out of my wondering thoughts when I finally arrived outside Leah's place.

The whole of today, she avoided me again. She managed to barely talk to me in Chemistry class, and we were lab partners. Her actions hurt, deeply, and from it, bad thoughts started to crop up.

She's done with me. I’m an embarrassment to be around. Probably for the best that she’s staying away, she can do better than me...

Self-deprecating thoughts bombarded my mind. I knew it was my insecurities talking, but they sounded so convincing, and so right.

But a little voice I could barely make out spoke through the mess. Pull yourself together, Woods. Get out of your pathetic hole and talk to your girl.

I rested my forehead on the steering wheel for a few seconds before sighing and getting out of the car. Walking up the walkway with sweaty hands, they clenched into fists as the fear of her turning me away started to creep up.

Ringing the doorbell with a shaky finger, I looked down and cleared my throat. The door was opened ten seconds later, my head snapping up to see Leah's sister standing there.

“Hey Alyssa, Leah's just upstairs,” Lena said with a smile, opening the door wider to let me in.

“Thanks,” I said, giving her a sullen smile of my own. Her brows furrowed then in concern as she watched me head up the stairs, tilting her head inquisitively. I ignored it and continued on my journey through the large house.

Making my way to her closed white door, I gave it two soft raps and waited for a response. “Come in.”

Twisting the knob, I pushed it and found her by her desk. She was writing something intently into a folder, head down and not paying the any attention to me.

“Leah.” At the sound of my voice, she stopped her writing and dropped her pen, spinning around with surprise.

“Hi...  I didn’t know you were coming.” Reluctance coated her voice, and I felt my determination slowly deteriorate around the edges.

“Yeah, sorry.” I shuffled awkwardly on my feet by the door. “Um, I wanted to talk.”

“Oh.” I saw my girlfriend fidget with her fingers as she stood up from her desk chair. “I thought you were going to talk to Isabelle?” she said, and I picked up the strain in her voice at the last word.

“I’m meeting her another day.” I decided to close the door behind me and went to sit at the end of her bed. She slowly followed my lead, sitting a foot away. I let the silence envelope us for a moment before speaking up. “Why have you been dodging me?”

Startled, she looked at me for a couple of seconds before responding. “What do you mean, babe? I haven’t been.”

My hand went up to rub my eyes as I tried to decipher what to do. “I know you have, and it’s obvious it’s because of Isabelle.”

“Lyssa,” she sighed, “there is no problem.”

“Babe,” I took her hands in mine, squeezing them in comfort, “it’s okay. Just tell me if you have a problem with me meeting up with her.”

Her beautiful hazel eyes looked into mine and held my gaze for a few seconds. I could see the hesitation as her plump lips opened and closed. But then she broke our stare and turned her head the other way. “No, it’s fine.”

I sighed loudly, my hand going up to hold her chin, turning it back to me. “Leah,” I said softly, trying to show her it’s okay.

For a moment, I was distracted by her lips and couldn’t help but brush my thumb against it. She made a sound at the back of her throat, before shaking her head quickly and pulling away. “There is no problem.”

I clenched my jaw in frustration as she slipped her hands out of mine. She just wouldn’t open up.

Standing up, I went off. “Why can’t you just say it?! You always pull back and shut me off. It’s not like I’m going to judge you!”

My girlfriend stood up to be eye-level with me. “There’s nothing to talk about! Go meet her, I don’t care!” She waved her hand dismissively at me, and I felt my eyebrow tick.

“I won’t if it makes you feel uncomfortable! But at least tell me if it bothers you!”

“It doesn’t. How many times do I have to say it?! Just drop it!” she yelled, her voice strained with effort.

But at the sight those eyes filling with barely restrained tears, my whole body deflated.