Comfy Closets

43|| Suggestions and Actions

The day had just begun, but I was already ready for it to end. I guess Mondays just had that effect on you.

Sluggishly trudging up the steps to school, I took my time. My head was filled with confusing, conflicting emotions. It was the whole ‘should I tell my parents or not’ debate going at it in my head again.

The last time I saw Leah, I told her I had every intention to come out to my parents - and soon. But it’s now the beginning of the week. I was starting to worry about whether I’ll ever get the courage to tell them.

There were students gathered in loose groups on the steps and I had to sidestep a few of those who stupidly chose to sit right in the middle of the path. I spotted a few of my soccer friends to the side and gave them a friendly wave. I couldn’t say I was absolutely close with every player on the team, but I do make an effort to build and maintain an easy-going bond with all of them. It’s how we get far in the championships every year.

The rhythmic thump under each footfall turned into occasional squeaks as my vans met the linoleum floors of the hallways. Chattering bounced off the walls of the moderately filled corridor and I let the sounds fade into the background as I focused on my set goal.

Quickly getting to my locker, I dropped off my gym bag and gathered the books I needed before closing it and making my way further into the school, hoping Leah was already there. When I spotted her dirty blonde head of hair by her locker, I quickened my stride and announced my presence by casually letting my hand slide across her hip and lower back before dropping it. I stopped on her other side and smiled when she turned to see me.

“Oh, hey!” A look of relief crossed her eyes as her grin appeared. “For a split second, I thought it was some creep putting their hands on me. Should’ve known better,” Leah chuckled.

“Aren’t you glad I’m so much better than some random creep? Sexier too,” I smirked and winked subtly. I liked to think my winks were hot, but I really couldn’t tell. Gia once said it looked like some uncontrollable facial twitch I needed to fix.

“Much sexier indeed,” Leah mumbled softly as her gaze flickered down to my plump lips. I bit my lower lip at that. Turns out my wink wasn’t as bad as Gia had said…

“Anyways,” I cleared my throat as I suddenly remembered the reason why I was looking for her, lowering my voice, “I spent the whole weekend trying to tell my parents, but…”

“You couldn’t do it,” my girlfriend finished for me, the corner of her lips turning down in sympathy. I nodded, disheartened.

The disappointment I held for myself was apparent. Raking my fingers through my hair, I sighed. “I don’t know why. I was so close to saying it, so many times…”

“I think it’s how everyone feels before they come out,” my girlfriend said softly. “there’s this…very scary moment before it happens - and the thing is, we have to figure out how to get past it in our own way.” When I stayed quiet and kept my gaze focused on my shoes, she let out a breath and decided to take another approach. “Look, when I came out, I remembered I was eleven. Landon was leaving the house for college and I was crying so bad. Before he could step out of the house, I blurted out the words ‘I like girls’ and he stopped.”

Leah let out a laugh as she remembered the day. “For some reason, I wanted him to be there when I told my family. He helped me get over my fear. You just have to find that thing – that reason for why you want to tell them and focus on that. Keep repeating it in your mind until you’ve said the words.”

I brought my eyes to focus on her warm hazels, letting her firm assurance and confidence calm my nerves. My lips curved into a small smile as I nodded weakly. “You always know just the right thing to say.”