Comfy Closets

44|| Skives and Tears

I couldn't breathe.

For the life of me, I couldn't get air into my lungs. The iron grip of an invisible hand tightened around my throat as I desperately moved to get out of this cement prison with haste.

Every face I passed by became a blur in my mind's eye, now only obstacles in my way to my breath of fresh air. Slipping past the last group of people near the exit, I threw my weight against the door and blew past the threshold, into the open.

Heaving pants escaped my chest as I leaned against the railing just outside, hands clutching the metal with all my might. I shut my eyes tightly and focused on my ragged breaths. In. Out. In. Out. Three-second intervals, like those meditation exercises everyone preaches about.

Finally, the suffocating feeling slowly melted away as I focused only on the rise and fall of my chest, my heart no longer beating in loud thumps in my ear.

With my breathing no longer compromised, I slumped my previously rigid form against the structure, forearms draped over the railing as my hands clutched at my hair.

"Shit! Shit, shit, shit," I muttered under my breath with not a clue on what to do next. I wanted to berate myself, put my head through a wall and just cry.

But I did this to myself. Did I even have a right to cry?

Knowing I didn't, I shook my head and pushed back the unbearable urge to break down. Even so, a tear managed to leak out and run down the side of my face. I quickly brushed it away, sniffling loudly.

The bell rang out from the building behind me, but I didn't budge. I stayed standing there at the back entrance of the school with my head down as one thought after another flitted by in my head. From complete nonsense conjured up by my hysterical fear, to the desperate thoughts that tried to think up ways to fix my shitty situation - it overwhelmed my brain and made it impossible to have one clear thought.

As I became consciously aware of my current location, I glanced around and sighed in relief when I found no one in the vicinity. I didn't want anyone to see me like this - so foolishly and publicly vulnerable. It would've made this all the worse.

The sports fields stretched out before me, all empty and unoccupied - the sudden urge to hide out at the soccer field from everyone called to me temptingly. I looked back at the building looming behind me and immediately decided my classes weren't worth going to, as all the stares and whispers would be waiting for me. Especially now that I knew what it was all about, I figured avoiding it, for now, was my best option.

I wouldn't even know how to respond if anyone came up to me and asked about the rumours.

It was then when I registered the faint buzzing in the pocket of my jeans, something I barely noticed through all the things bombarding my mind. I picked up the call and answered unsteadily. "H-hello?"

"Lyssa! Finally! You answered," a relieved voice sounded out through the phone.

"Leah, hey..."

There was a pause on the other side before she let out a small sigh, concern evident in her tone. "I heard about the rumours going around..."

"Well, they're not exactly rumours, are they?" I said darkly. For a moment, my anger spiked up and I clenched my jaws tightly. However, it didn't last long as I was reminded again that I was the cause of this. "It's my fault anyway," I mumbled softly.

"Hey, no. Don't say that, Lys."

"But it is. I was the one who chose to be rash and kissed you in front of Charles at the party. I did this." A hand came up to rub at my eyes as guilt and helplessness weighed down my figure.