Moonchild

Sixty Four

"I...I'm okay, Daddy... Please... Just lay down with me..." Aurie hasn't been hesitating lately to slip into Korean with me, but he always makes sure to feed me the translation of the words I haven't learned or don't catch, and this time more so than before, my heart melts right out of my chest and into a puddle on the floor... 

Something that makes it so much hard to look at him and have to say, "I will in a second Baby. I need to grab you some new ice first. And then we can cuddle as much as you want, is that okay?" I can see the surprise in his eyes when he registers the fact that I was hopefully able to use the correct word and call him Baby in Korean right back... The smallest noise of contentment leaving the back of his throat as an answer to my question, his cheeks starting to build the slightest glow from hearing the term of endearment in his native tongue... So cute... How the hell is he so cute even when he can't get comfortable... When his ankle is still so angry and tender? 

I know that the pain meds that the clinic was able to give him are probably playing a big part in his calmness, the dose a small one due to him having been smoking before bringing him in... I know he will probably need to smoke in an hour or so as everything gets processed a tiny bit faster in his system while his ankle continues to heal, but at least at the moment, even though I need to keep a close eye on him... He isn't in the same amount of pain that he normally functions with... And now I understand why Cricket mentioned having to sit with him in the medical wing so often...

 The type of medicine that can be doled out by doctors via an I.V. drip is-stronger than all of the over-the-counter medicine he knows won't work, and it comes with the hydration I've noticed he sometimes struggles to get... So it would make sense that on his worst days, or even just participating in his normal school schedule week after week that he would end up resting on a hospital bed once or twice a month... Just so his body can keep up with him... Just so he can close his eyes just like he is at the moment and actually relaxes without fear of his body having a chance to register the fact that he hasn't been resting like he probably would be able to if he had chosen any other profession than his passion... 

And that's why I make myself a mental note to pay more attention to him, especially when he goes back to school as I force myself to pull away from him in order to start making my way towards the kitchen so I can grab a baggie full of ice for my Sweetheart so we can get the rest of that tenderness soothed in his ankle. I'll right be with him at every doctor's appointment, scheduled and otherwise, if for no other reason than to make sure my angel has a hand to hold because he isn't alone in this...To make sure I know to be there to catch him when he starts to fall. I will absolutely be there right by his side for every needle stick and banana bag. Because Aurie deserves the support. And he needs it if we are going to make his dreams come true... 

As I fish out a plastic baggie from the drawer where they live next to the silverware before turning with the freezer in mind I can't help but think about how terrifying it was to watch Aurie's ankle bend the way it did... How that entire career that he wants so badly flashed before my eyes and ended the minute he hit the floor. I hadn't been able to even blink with how scary those few seconds had been... Knowing that taking away the freedom Aurie feels when he... no... they... dance... It would make them feel like they're drowning... In very much the same way I noticed Aurie feels a bit overwhelmed lately using the masculine pronouns he offered up to his fans to keep things from getting too confused... But there isn't any reason for me not to make them comfortable here at home. There isn't a reason for me to not use the pronouns that they feel suits them best, even if it fluctuates sometimes... And I'm pretty sure at the moment... Aurie feels a bit neutral, and that's okay. I need to make sure I ask them and start thinking of ways to phrase it as I head back to the room after filling my baggie with ice and grabbing a dishtowel from where it hangs on the front of the stove to wrap it in so we don't end up hurting Rie's delicate skin.

But the minute I walk back into the room I'm greeted with the most stunning of gentle smiles, Aurie's arms held out to welcome me onto the bed after I deposit the ice carefully on his bandaged ankle... The questions, while important, melt away... Because Rie's comfort is more important at the moment... And my Cutie just wants to be held and coddled a little bit because they have had the longest of days and this Daddy is more than ready to oblige. I simply push the neutral term into his mind and leave it there for him to mull over while he rests the stress of the day away. 

It takes all of two seconds for me to start climbing onto the bed, only to pause as I catch Aurie's eyes focusing on the collar of my shirt... And I take the time to lean back and slip the shirt over my head, a quick scrolling of Aurie's mind revealing that maybe just maybe Aurie would appreciate some skin to skin bonding while they try and relax just a bit more. And to me... Considering that most of the time we've spent in this bed has been skin to skin... It makes sense. And hurts no one. So once it's pulled over my head and off of my body it takes so little time to finish crawling to my sleepy, healing mate to help them with their own shirt, an action that makes them a little shy until I make sure to cover up the exposed skin with the comforter by pulling it up around Aurie's shoulders before pulling them up against my chest right where they belong. 

"Thank you, Daddy. For noticing. They is perfect for right now. And so is a nap."