A Freak of Nature or A Beautiful Beast

You're Scared To Be Who You Are

After Bellamy temporarily stopped the bleeding and covered the cuts, I tried to sleep. He promised not to tell anyone, but trusting people was my biggest insecurity. It felt like only minutes later when Bellamy shook me awake, still aching and sore from yesterdays endeavours. Groaning, I pulled myself to my feet, following Bellamy and Charlotte out of the cave. 

"It's all clear. Anybody out here? Jones?" Bellamy called to the stillness, disturbing its warped tranquility. 

"We're here!" A reply, presumably Jones, came from close by. As we came round the side of the cave, three people walked towards us. I knew one was Jones, but the other two didn't look familiar.

"Lost you in the stew. Where'd you go?" Bellamy asked as we all met in the middle. 

"Made it to a cave down there," Jones said, pointing the stick he was holding. 

"The hell was that?" I rolled my eyes at Bellamy's question. Hang on, let me get my fog detector out. Jeez. "We lost Atom to it, whatever it was." Bellamy's lack of emotion annoyed me - at least show some remorse for letting him die. 

"You mean he went a different way, or..." Jones trailed off, not wanting to know the answer.

"Lost as in dead," I said, making sure they all knew a comrade had gone down. "Hey, where'd Charlotte go?" Looking round, I realised she wasn't standing next to Bellamy anymore. "Seriously, Bellamy? She was practically holding your hand!" Just as he was about to hit back, a scream pierced the jungle canopy. Charlotte! Racing over, Bellamy close behind, I grabbed Charlotte. Before I even had to ask her what was wrong, I saw him. Atom. Just lying there, barely breathing, blistered and broken. Stumbling over my own feet, I ran down into the wide ditch. "Atom! Atom?" I crashed to my knees. He looked at me, well at least I think he did. His eyes had filmed over, and were a milky blue colour. 

"Kill me. Kill me. Kill...me," Atom breathed, barely audible, even in the silence of the forest. As he gasped and struggled to breathe, I felt Bellamy next to me. I had never felt so helpless in all my life, and looking at Bellamy, I could tell he felt the same. The others arrived, and Bellamy stood up, but I didn't want to leave Atom's side. I heard Bellamy tell the others to go back to camp, Charlotte included. As he knelt back down, he held a knife - Charlotte's knife. 

"Hey, Atom? I'm gonna help you, okay?" I knew I had to kill him. He was dying already from the pain. Gently stroking his hair, I tried my hardest to swallow my welling tears. "Do you remember touching down on Earth? The trees, they were so beautiful, so vivid, right?" I smiled at him as I tried to get him to remember the good that had happened. Bellamy slowly handed me the knife. "Look how beautiful the sky is today." Atom slowly lifted his head as much as he could, taking in what would be his last sight, as I slipped the knife into his neck. The blood pumped out, his life quite literally draining away. "Listen, the birds are still chirping. You're gonna be fine, Atom." As his final breath escaped his blood choked throat, my eyes blurred with refused tears. I hadn't realised I was still holding the knife until I felt Bellamy's fingers unwrapping mine from the handle. Taking one last look at Atom, I got up, taking a deep breath, and pushing the tears back. 

"You ok?" Bellamy asked.

"Yeah, fine," I replied, perhaps a little shortly, because he was giving me the look again. "What?"

"You're not fine. I can tell. The way you act, that's just it, it is an act. You're scared to be who you are."

"If you'd had the past I had, you wouldn't want to be yourself. You'd want to be someone so different, not someone from your old, destructive life. Every waking moment for me is just a memory of everything I've lost. I can't see my own reflection without seeing a scar, I can't look at my sister without remembering the family I once had, and I can't even look at you without hating myself for not trusting people I know care about me." Bellamy didn't reply, instead he gave me one last look, one that expressed something I almost thought was hurt. As I was trying to figure out if I'd actually hurt him, pain shot through my leg, causing me to collapse on the floor. Struggling to keep conscious, I tried to stand, resulting in what felt like someone putting a blowtorch to my leg. Bellamy turned around, wondering where I was, and immediately ran to my side. 

"Fuck, T, what's happening?" Concern spread on his face, as the pain in my leg reduced me to short, desperate gasps of breath. Pulling up my jeans, the same purple veins Finn saw in my arm were weaving up my leg, like tendrils of poison. The gene was almost complete, spreading through my body like a toxin. Another thing to ruin my life, destroy any future I thought I wanted. Just as Bellamy was trying to calm me down, I passed out, everything becoming a purple haze, like another fog.