Teenage Fever

Letters

Sunday was the day to leave but the day decided to drag first.
I still wasn't understanding how I could go from one of the best weekends and nights to now this.
After waking up that morning I stayed in bed. I told Derek I wasn't feeling great. I wanted to talk to D and I tried. He kept the door locked and didn't answer my knocks or texts and I wasn't in the mood to reply to Tahj's texts.

Two hours before we were planning to head out mom walked in.
"Hello, Leslie."
She sat down in my desk chair.
"Hey, mom."
"Last night got too wild for you?"
Being with D came to mind when she mentioned last night so I tried to get rid of that thinking around her.
"Something like that."
"Well, you and I got an unfinished conversation to talk about."
I sighed and closed my eyes shut. My back was to her as I gathered clothes into my duffel bag.

"Mom, I like men too," I tell her.
The silence was deafening. I finally decide to turn and face her while sitting on the bed. She wasn't looking at me any different.
"And the person I was talking about is the one in the next room."
I sit up and look at her profoundly.
"What?"
"Leslie, I'm not stupid, I'm mom. Now, you telling me you like men that's fine. But I know for a fact that you're in love with Damario."
"H-how do you figure that?"
It was mom's turn to exhale.
"I'm going to tell you something, Les but I don't want you to be angry with me."
I was so confused.
"Mom, please, what are you talking about?"
"Damario used to write to you."
My mouth clamps shut.
"It was right after he left. Every here and there a letter would come. For years he did."
I slowly nodded my head.
"I faintly remember but I don't remember it being years. I only remember reading letters up until I was probably 13. How long you talking?"
"The last letter he sent you were 17."
I threw my head back and looked at her sideways.
"Now I think sometimes letters either got lost in the mail or he went periods where he didn't write but, honey, I'm sorry, I didn't let you read some of the last letters I received."
I immediately jumped up.
"Why not?"
"Things were different back then, Les, I didn't want that lifestyle for you or you to be exposed to it."
"Stop, stop talking around the subject mom."
"Damario used to say some things that I didn't find appropriate and I never let your father see those letters."
"What things?"
My mom sighed and shut her eyes.
"As he was coming of age, Les, he realized his infatuation with you. He expressed it time and time again. I didn't want to confuse you and expose you to that."
I shut my eyes and let out a breath.
"I already knew at 16, mom. I didn't need D's letters to do that."

I made little steps around the room thinking about what she said. It hits me. That's probably why he said that last night. He doesn't believe I want him. Why had he never mentioned the letters? That's probably a rhetorical question. There's a lot he's never told me. He probably thinks I threw those letters away.

"I have to talk to D."
"Les," my mom's voice stops me. "I'm sorry and I also know that you have nothing to worry about."
I nod my head.
"I'm not mad at you, mom."
I turned to go before I remembered something. "You never said how you knew."
She looked at me expectantly before sitting back and smiling.
"You're not too hard to read, Leslie. It's the way you look at him and I knew with you finding him in Section 1 it would all come to light and together eventually."

I leave the room but find the guest room empty. I head downstairs but stop when I see him on the front porch. I head out and see that he has his hair up wearing a black T and gym shorts. He was typing in his phone. When he finally looks over at me that sensation in my chest intensifies. But he looks back at his phone. I step closer.

"D, we need to talk about something."
"What do you need to talk about."
I decided to ignore the "you".
"Your letters."
His typing slows down until it abruptly stops. I had gained his full attention.
"Why didn't you tell me about them?"
"You never got them?"
"Not after 13."
He turns away and puts his phone away.
"It's a long story with my mom but I didn't know."
It was cloudy out but the sun chose then to peak out and it grew warmer. It was quiet for a minute.
"I never brought it up for the same reason that I never mentioned I was gay. It was something I used to do when I was younger and I went years not hearing back from you so I decided to dead it. We grew apart anyways. But I was more than happy when I heard from you weeks ago. Those letters never entered my mind."
"I don't want you to be upset with me or mad at me."
He looks down with his fist to his mouth as if he was pondering on something
"What now, Les?" He looks at me.
I step closer to him so that I was right beside him.
"I leave for California tomorrow. Give me a week to think about everything. I'll be honest with you D, I care about you and don't want to hurt you but I wouldn't want to continue things or potentially hurt you if things were to go the other way. I have to think about Tahj."
He sucks his teeth and shakes his head.
"I'm not even going to question it. Do what you got to do. Just know, Les, that it's a fucked up spot to be in."
My hands fall on my head as I closed my eyes and sighed.

"When you coming back?"
I chuckled.
"Ma, I don't know. Give us a chance to get back into our regular day to day schedule."
"Well pick another weekend soon."
"Will do, Mrs. Thompson, I'll come by myself if I have to if it means I can get more of that fish," D said.
"Boy you better bring ya ass back here regardless."
Everyone laughed when dad spoke.

Before hoping in the car I gave Derek some love and told him I'd text him.
"This weekend was nice," D said when we hit the street.
"Yeah."
"Got some good food and drinks, went on a nice hike, got some good dick..."
I laughed out loud.
"I'm glad you're smiling," I tell him.

We were in Section 2 before we knew it.