Revery of Madness (Doctor Who)

I - Connecting (M)

"Yes... and no."

The answer made Roka raise a brow and she saw how much he struggled with his next words. "The Time Lords removed the link. The drums can never be... there again."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Roka asked softly, knowing how much the topic affected him. "I think I heard them. Thought it was your hearts, but... it wasn't, right?"

He shook his head and pushed his hands back into his pockets, only to pull them out a second later. Roka had to swallow. He seemed so utterly lost, right now.

"It's because of... time," he tried, but shook his head. "When I took you life, when reality cracked open and put itself back together again... stuff from the past and the future got a little mixed up, because I was in the centre of it all." He started to pace up and down, eyes glued to the floor. "They aren't back. I just sometimes hear... an echo of the past? Maybe it's that, I don't know."

There was no answer she could think of, right now. Her worst fear had come true in a way, and she couldn't even begin to comprehend how it must be for him to hear the drums again after so much time. He stopped his pacing, eventually, stayed in front of her, but still a good distance away.

"Is that why you're not sleeping, lately?" she finally dared to ask.

He slowly nodded. "Not sure why, but they are always there when I'm asleep. Funny actually," he huffed, "it used to be the exact other way around."

"And it also happens when your emotions are a little out of control?" she teased and only got back a scowl. She knew it to be right, without him answering.

Something in his demeanour changed suddenly, his face showing signs of sadness and also determination. As if he had made a decision he now wanted to act upon.

"Where do you want me to drop you off?"

Puzzled she looked up and blinked at him. "Wha'?"

"You know... place, time. Doesn't matter."

"Uh..." She rubbed her neck, trying to get her mind to click with the sudden unfolding of events. "Did I miss something? Do you have plans? I mean, sure... I can leave, 's just... uh... lemme think that through first. And where will we meet up again?"

"Meet..." For a second the Master looked dumbstruck. He pinched his eyes shut and made a movement as if to shake something off his head, then trod in front of Roka and placed a hand right next to her head, leaning down a little. "Why would you want to meet me again? I hurt you!" His face contorted in anger and pain and maybe a little sadness. "I was so careless, I almost killed you for good."

Roka unfolded her arms and pushed them against his torso, feeling his double hearts beating frantically under his shirt. It seemed he took it as a sign to back off, so she clutched the cloth to hold him in place, although his face took on an even more perplex expression.

"Yeah, that was dumb. And I really want to punch your face for it... But I don't want to leave," she breathed.

A dry laugh escaped him. "I'm dangerous. I have no control over the drums or when they will reappear. This was only a warning, one single incident. I could do so much worse things to you, when I lose myself. It's so easy... I'm not used to them anymore." His voice got quieter, almost desperate. "How are you not scared? Why don't you run already, you idiot?"

His gaze bore into hers, confusion and anger seeping into her from him, but also sincere regret and even a little shame. Roka glared back, remembering the pain she had endured just some hours ago, the fear of maybe dying and losing everything she had fought for. She clutched his shirt tighter, closed her eyes and took some slow breaths, before opening them halfway up again.