I'm (Not) Allow to Love You // 널 사랑할 수 없(있)어

I'm (Not) Allow to Love You Part 16

Set up your music player, find the song and listen while you read the part of the story of this novel.

Song list:

1. DGNA – Lucky Man 행운안

2. Yoo Seonho – Maybe Spring봄이 오면

3. STRAY KIDS – Neverending Story끝나지 않을 이야기

4. Eric Nam & CHEEZE – Perhaps Love사랑인가요

5. Rainbow – Pretend보고 싶었단 그 말도

6. GB9 – Propose프로포즈

7. Wang Leehom – The First Morning 第一个清晨

8. Moon Junyoung & Park Sangjun – Too Late늦은후회

9. WANNA ONE – Wanna갖고 싶어

10. ASTRO – You're My World

I put my laptop and backpack on the couch and sat down tiredly afterwards. I'm too tired to eat or take a shower, I just want to sleep. I took my cellphone and looked at the screen. It's been 10 days since Chungdae continued his strange attitude. Every time he goes online I really want to send him a message. Did I make a mistake? Or ... has he been joking with me all this time? But my feeling ... I just started falling in love again. But isn't this better? Because who will support our relationship?

Miss Baek

I gasped and apparently Donghyun sent me a message.

Not yet sleeping?

I just came home, Donghyun

Ah it must be tiring

Get enough rest

I'm fine. You must sleep too

I have homework 😭

I laughed at him using crying emoji.

Finish it quickly and go to sleep

Homework is difficult😭😭

What homework is that?

Mathematics

In that case, I can't help you

Ask Dongsun to help you

He doesn't want to help me

He told me to try by myself 😭

I laugh again. Dongsun is like that when it comes to studying, I guess he wants Donghyun to be independent. Suddenly a short message arrived.

Baek Choeun, still enjoying your quiet life alone?

I gasped. I do not know this number.

Who is this?

I quickly replied and waited for another reply, but until the rest of the night, there was no reply for me. I'm still thinking about the possibility of the owner of that number who seems to know me.

***

Okay. My thoughts is getting out of place. Chungdae is clearly avoiding me. Even when he was online and I was online, he was quickly offline. I have to know the answer. Whatever it is, even if it hurts, I want to know. I know that in the past few days he came early to school to go to the sport building, so I am waiting for him now. The door creaked open and he is coming. We exchanged glances for a moment and he had turned around.

"Do you want to avoid me again?"

He stopped in his tracks. I slowly walked toward him.

"I know you are avoiding me. Rather than I don't know why, tell me the reason. "

"There's nothing you need to know miss. That's just your prejudice. "

Hearing him call me miss when we were alone, it was strangely painful. Like there is an invisible distance between us.

"Do not lie. I can feel it."

He stepped away once more and at that moment I ran fast, closed the door and held it with my body while looking at his face. His expression is flat.

"You said you were a man! Say the truth!"

He closed his eyes for a moment then stared back at me sharply.

"What do you want to know?"

"Why did you avoid me lately?"

"Are we close enough before so we should talk everyday? Do we have any special relationship until you feel that way? "

I gasped. He's right. No matter how close we are, it only happened for a month before I felt he was avoiding me. Is it possible...

"Are you thinking about why I asked you to go on a date last time? Don't think too far, it's only because I want to bet. "

I bit the bottom of my lips. Is that all he feels? Even though I was very happy that day.

"I just want to know, is it easy to get your attention and approach you, and it turns out it's proven. It's easy to approach you. "

He laughed, a laugh which I had never heard before.

"And the kiss? That is nothing for me, so don't prejudge others. "

I felt my eyes begin to get wet. His words pierced my heart. I have to hold back my tears. I can't cry in front of him.

"Do you think that I have feelings for you?"

Yes. I guess you have feelings for me. Could it be ... I just imagined everything?

"Miss, you're the mistaken of my attitude around you. I don't have any feeling towards you. "

He shifted my body slightly and came out.

잘 지냈냐고 괜찮았냐고

Was it okay if I did well?
묻고 싶은 말 입술에 맴돌고

A horse I want to hover around in my lips
오랜만에 본 그대 밝은 표정이

You have a bright face
괜히 어색해서이겠지

It's awkward
애써 고갤 돌리며 괜찮은 척하는

It is hard to pretend
이런 내 맘 모르겠지

I do not know my mind

너무 보고 싶었단 그 말도

That word I missed so much
그리웠단 그 말도

That word I missed
아무 말도 할 수가 없어 눈물만

I can not say anything
태연히 웃어 보려 해도

To smile badly
아직 힘들 것 같아 나를 이해해줘

I still have a hard time understanding me

너무 아파 더는 견디기 싫어

I do not want to endure it anymore
시간이 흘러도 절대 나는 안될 것만 같아

I do not think I'll ever be able to get through time
혹시 언젠가 그대 나를 찾게 될까 봐

Maybe someday you'll find me
지금처럼 이렇게 기다릴게 난

I'll wait like this now

잊으려 노력해봐도

Even if you try to forget
지우려 애써봐도

Trying to erase it
아무것도 할 수가 없어 이런 나

I can not do anything

(Rainbow – Pretend보고 싶었단 그 말도)

I covered my face with my hands. what just happened? What hurts me more? Is my pride hurt or is it my heart? I'm the stupid one. I always thought Chungdae loved me, but apparently he didn't love me like I loved him. Why am I so stupid? I reminded myself, don't fall in love again. But this happened again. And now I'm alone again.

***