I'm (Not) Allow to Love You // 널 사랑할 수 없(있)어

I'm (Not) Allow to Love You Part 25

Set up your music player, find the song and listen while you read the part of the story of this novel.

Song list:

1. DGNA – Lucky Man 행운안

2. Yoo Seonho – Maybe Spring봄이 오면

3. STRAY KIDS – Neverending Story끝나지 않을 이야기

4. Eric Nam & CHEEZE – Perhaps Love사랑인가요

5. Rainbow – Pretend보고 싶었단 그 말도

6. GB9 – Propose프로포즈

7. Wang Leehom – The First Morning 第一个清晨

8. Moon Junyoung & Park Sangjun – Too Late늦은후회

9. WANNA ONE – Wanna갖고 싶어

10. ASTRO – You're My World

I deeply breathe the night air. Having almost died moment, I'm now more appreciate the air around me. I looked up at the ceiling full of stars. The children must be busy playing games now and Teacher Kim wants me to rest until there is a result from the hospital that is likely to come out the day after tomorrow, after I will go to the hospital tomorrow. Too bad, I also want to play with them. I hold my cellphone and doubt whether I should contact Eunyul eonni. I imagined her panic face if she knew I was almost die, but her happy and passionate expression if I told her Donghyun gave me CPR would be very funny. Maybe I'll tell her later when I get home. Suddenly I felt a hug around my waist that almost made me drop my cellphone. But strangely the hug was so soft and didn't scare me. Someone put his chin on my shoulder. I know who he is. This is not the first time he gave me backhug. He often does it when no one else is in the apartment.

"Donghyun-ah, what are you doing?"

"Donghyun? You don't recognize me, noona?"

I turned my head and how surprised I was, Chungdae was the one who hugged me. I let go of his hand and took a step backward.

"What are you doing?" I asked again.

"Noona, why do now you only mention Donghyun's name? Is there only him in your heart?" he asked, surprisingly, sounding sad.

"And where were you when I needed you the most?"

"I..."

"You said you don't have any feelings for me! So for whom am I keeping my own feeling?"

My eyes are wet and my emotions are peaking. He was not by my side when I was in danger. He never cared for me again. Then why does he look sad now? That makes me even more angry. He seemed to want to answer me, but he pursed his lips again.

"Don't make me confused! I'm not someone whose feeling can be fooled by you!"

I turned my body and ran. I don't know where my feet are going, I just let my feet lead me away. Get away from memories that suddenly filled my mind again. And my anger when he's not there when I need him the most.

난 다시 우리가 만나는 게

I might still feel awkward
아직은 좀 어색할지 몰라 그래

If we meet up again
내 안에 아직 네가 있는지

Maybe you're still in me
아무렇지 않게 널 볼 수 없어

I can't just see you without feeling anything
또다시 내게 돌아올까 봐

In case you come back to me
그 누구도 사랑하지 못해 난

I can't love anyone else
바보처럼 늘 헤매던 날은

Like a fool I wander all day
내겐 소중한 추억이야

But they are precious memories
지금이라도 돌아갈 수 있다면

If I can go back now
두 손을 잡고서 할 말이 많은데

I would hold your hands and tell you many things
이제 그만하자 아파하지 말자

Let's stop this now let's stop hurting
지켜낼 수 없는 이 시간 속에

In this time that I cannot keep
많이 울었던 지난날의 사랑은

The love of our past, teary days
꿈을 꾼 듯이 사라지고 있다고

It's disappearing like it was a dream

기억하나요 우리 함께 한 날들을

Do you remember the days we spent together?
이젠 하나둘씩 지우며 살아가겠죠

Now they'll be erased one by one

(Moon Junyoung & Park Sangjun – Too Late늦은후회)

***

MIN DONGHYUN'S POV

Breakfast time arrived and I looked here and there, but I did not see the figure of Miss Baek. Where is she going?

"Donghyun-ah."

Hyong stood in the doorway of the dining room and signaled me to approach him. Last night since finishing the activity, I did not visit Miss Baek again because I was afraid to disturb her rest.

"Kim Saem took Miss Baek to the hospital to examine her lungs. If there is no problem, she will join us again at lunch time."

He smiled and I felt something different from the way he talked about noona.

"However you must always be careful, okay. We know the feeling that you feel is illegal."

"Hyong ..."

"Thank God, no one suspected anything yesterday. Except maybe Chungdae," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

I smiled convincingly, "I promise to be more careful hyong."

He took a step forward and whispered to my side, "but you were not careful enough that night in the apartment. I see everything, you know that?"

My eyes widened. I started to rack my brain, which night was it? Is it the night where he went to the toilet?

"Hyong, I, that, I mean..."

"And Min Donghyun can't possibly stammer like this if he's not panicking," laughed hyong, "it's okay, your age is almost 17."

He patted me on the back, laughing softly before leaving after his friends. Thank God at least you want to understand me. I hope more and more people will understand when it's the time I can ask Miss Baek to officially become my girlfriend. But for now, I need to be really careful.

***