Backtoliving

Chapter 5: need to talk

POV Shannon

Rose and Rosie are staring at me. I watch my feet, not able to look up. After an awkward minute of silence I sit next to them.

(Shannon) This sunset is crazy doesn't it?

(Rosie) Yeah, let us talk about the sunset... (She smirks)

(Rose) Oh really? You think you can go with that

(Rosie) Babe, give her some space

(Rose) Not going to happen (she looks at me) SO, Shannon Beveridge, where is your girlfriend, and why every time we found you you're alone with Cammie Scott doing god knows what...

I can't help but laugh nervously.

(Shannon) Cam and I...

(Rose) Oooohhhh I missed this introduction

(Rosie) You ship it too much babe.

(Rose) I knew it!

(Shannon) Hum guys, will you let me talk or...?

(Rose) What Shannon, you had a picture of us naked what do you want more? That we listen to you?

(Rosie) Such a crazy girll

(Rose) Yeah, kids today, they need everything!

After several minutes of loneliness listening at those two, they finally let me talk

(Rose) So what were you saying darling?

(Shannon) Cam is my friend. Nothing more is happening, we just hang out and it is easy, we laughed and enjoy each other company. What should it be more?

(Rose) Because you love her?

(Rosie) Babe...

(Shannon) You guys that it's been 4 years right?

(Rose) yeah... and ...?

(Shannon) We both moved on and have a girlfriend

(Rosie) And Fletcher is hot by the way

(Rose) Hotter than me?

(Rosie) Come on, no one is hotter than you

(Rose) Obviously

(Rosie) So why isn't Fletcher here?

(Shannon) She really has a work thing, but yeah, it is not the whole story

My friends are looking at me quite seriously now. Even if they joke all the time and sometime give me a hard time, they know when it is time to stop. I don't know what I'm ready to reveal and what I want to keep for me. Rose is giving me a hug.

(Rose) Just tell us what is going on Shannon

(Shannon) Cari has proposed me before the trip.

- There is no way I could ever thank you an off for what you did... So I will do it know. Thank you Carry for make me stop ruining my life. You made me grow. I love you Fletcher, I truly do.

- So is it a yes?

- I love you, but I can't marry you.

I can see in her eyes the distress, the misunderstanding, as a reflection of my own. I need to speak to her, I can't let her this way, but right now, the only thing I want to do is crying. One minute passes...feeling like eternity. I'm such a dick. She is perfect and I can't even look at her.

- Shannon... Please be honest with me...

- I love you, I never lied to you about this. I am just not ready in my heart to marry you

- Will you ever be?

I don't answer. I always pictured myself married with kids in the future. When I met Cammie, I started to picture her as my future wife and it has never changed. Even after the breakup, even when I met Fletcher and fell for her, Cammie was still my future wife. And now another woman is asking me this question I wanted to ask her. And even if I'm in love, I can't say yes. Not yet.

- Shannon, will you ever be ready to marry me?

- I don't know

- Do you love me?

- Yes

- Are you happy with me?

- I am, obviously. I am happy with you Carry.

- So why? Why can't you marry me?

I am lost in my thoughts. I can feel someone shaking me. Rosie. And Rose is staring at me with a worry and concerned gaze.

(Rose) What did you answer?

(Shannon) I said no. I said that I wasn't ready

(Rosie) You can trust us you know that?

(Shannon) Yeah, I know...

(Rosie) Is Cammie the reason why you can't marry Fletcher?

(Shannon) Kinda... yeah... I mean...

I decide to explain them everything. I need a friend, and I have two here willing to help. I confess what bother my heart since this day 4 years ago. I hide nothing and continue to confess. I speak for an hour I think. It is completely dark when we come home. In the leaving room, Ally is kissing her girlfriend on the couch. Stevie, Kara and Cammie are talking and Amy is cooking. I offer to help but she refuses. I then take a place in a comfy armchair. Cammie and I exchange a brief gaze.