Backtoliving

Chapter 19 : Life sucks without you

POV Shannon

I stopped counting the days. My mom's house is now a home, cozy and beautiful where you feel warm and welcome. A perfect home for a perfect mom... I need to go back to LA. I am not sure if I'll continue to live there, as I'm not sure if there is anything for me in this place. I can continue my work in another city, discover the US and the world. I have lot of opportunities so why should I stay there? My life in LA is for a version of me living happily with this girl I want. Living there without her sucks. I love my friends but I need to reconsider my life.

I put on my running shoes and go outside. It is almost sunset. I take my camera with me. In a park, I met a really interesting women dancing and ask her if I can take pictures. She accepts gladly and I try to perform my art a she performs hers. She is beautiful. After the shooting, I talk a bit with her. We decide to finish the talk in a bar, with a glass of beer. It is a nice evening. I take her number to send her the pictures and finally come home. It is late. I feel free and rested. My mom is already asleep. I go on Instagram and check some of my friends' accounts. One of them is Cammie's... And there is absolutely nothing on it. Her last picture is one I took in Spain and that's it. I hope she is doing ok. I want to text her just to be sure but I can't. It is not right, I know it.

After an hour scrolling on my phone, I decided to look at the airplanes for LA. There is one which is not too expensive on tomorrow evening; I buy it without thinking twice. I need to see her, even if she doesn't want to, I need to end this stupid romantic comedy and move on.

***

- Hey mom, did you sleep well?

- Yeah, perfectly, what about you?

- I took a plane ticket for LA...

- When?

- For tonight... I...

- It is time, I know.

I hug my mom so tight that she can't breathe. I'm going to miss her. During the flight, I try not to think too hard about what could happen. Tomorrow, first time, I'll go to Cam's flat and talk to her. That's it, no big deal, no drama, nothing... Just two people talking and finally moving on... I try not to have too much hope. It is easy, I don't have any. I just need to check on her and close this part of my life for good. Except this part of me who still believe that our love is real and reciprocal. I fall asleep...

There is a big cliff, thousands of meters high. It is almost night and all I can see is this girl, falling from the cliff. Cam!!!!! I run, and run, and run... as fast as I can. But when I am running the distance which separates me from Cammie is getting longer. I can't reach her, and she is falling. I see her falling in slow motion, and I lost my voice screaming and yelling so hard. I feel tears on my cheeks. I breath loudly and wake up. My heart is beating so fast.

Ladies and gentlemen, the plane is starting its way down, we will arrived in about 15 minutes. Please attach your seatbelts.

The voice of the stewardess helps me to pull myself together. This was just a nightmare. I felt stocked, powerless...and my heart was broken. I still feel the fear going through my all body. I take my phone, put some random music on and stop thinking about anything else. What will I say to Cammie tomorrow? I said stop thinking about anything else than your music Shannon Beveridge... Focus! C'mon! I can just ask her how she is doing...and see if she is still with Kara... Or maybe offer her a drink. Or invite her to dinner, like a date and see where it goes...

Camden Scott, I know I told you to take your time but I can't handle this anymore. I left Cary because I am in love with you, so deeply that I can't think of a life without you. I love you and I want to know if there is any hope for us so tell me. Do you want to be with me?

Ok, that's maybe a little bit too dramatic. Let try otherwise...

Hey Cam... I just came back to LA and wanted to know how are you? Wanna have a drink later?

She is not your friend... You don't want her to be your friend!

Hey... So... I think it might be time don't you think?

Seriously?! I can't do any better?

Cammie, it will be the lamest declaration of all time but please let me finish it. I love you, always have, always be. I thought I could go with a life without you but if the past few years helped me becoming who I am, it didn't helped me to erase you from my heart. You are the reason why my heart is beating, you are the one for me, I know it. It is maybe crazy but you make me think that soulmates are real. I am ready to let you go if that's what you want but I need to know for sure. Cammie, do you see a future for us? Do you want us to be "us" again?

The plane just landed, stopping the flux of declarations in my head. Everything I think about is so lame, it is too much and it doesn't feel like enough. I want to give her those kind of declarations you see in movies, I want her to feel all those feelings I have for her. I remove the plane mode on my phone and text Jess.

The plane just landed, time to take my bag I should in the hall in 20 minutes

I asked her in the morning if she could take me home from the airport. She just answered "yes, I will" with a heart, which made me laugh a lot. It looked like I proposed her. She is the best! I take my bag on the conveyor and find my way to the hall. I start to know the airport by heart with all the travels I did!

I am looking for Jess but another girl catches my attention. A beautiful blond with green eyes, smaller than me, with a big smile on her face is looking at me. My heart stops beating. She has a sign in her hands. I read it again and again... I am shaking. She moves towards me, take my hands in hers. I can't move. She whispers a "hey" which feels quite awkward and in the same time feels like the most beautiful melody on earth. I let my bag fall on the floor and jump on her. I hug her with all my love and happiness.

On her sign is written: I choose you

I whisper in her ear : "If you had any doubt about it : I choose you too..."

// Hey! This chapter is almost the last one, I hope you enjoyed it! Please feel free to let a comment I am interested to know what you think about it (and about the all story) :) //