Backtoliving

Chapter 12 : No place for lies

POV Cammie

I'm watching with Shannon the pictures she took today. There are amazing. I'm quite disturbed by how many pictures of me she took, and what it makes me feel. She is an artist and her photography is not just random moments immortalized, there is something more in it. What I feel when I am watching it is love. It maybe sounds stupid, but the way she pictured me is different than our friends. Perhaps it is just what I want to see.

(Shannon) Come on Cam, you're like one of the most beautiful I ever met in my entire life if not the most...

Our gazes meet. I can't stop staring at her and her beautiful blue eyes. The world doesn't exist anymore except from us. I watch for a second her lips and come back to her eyes. My heart is beating so fast, it seems that it want to go out of my body. I am so stressed, and anxious, a bit afraid of what could happen, a bit impatient too. She moves toward me. We haven't been that closed since.... Well you know. I can't even think right now, I'm too obsessed with her, her pretty face, her tempting lips... I'm stocked, frozen. I can't move. Our lips are just 1 cm to each other. And then she moves... backward.

(Shannon) Hey, wanna go walking on the beach?

It takes time for me to answer. The bubble we were in just exploded. Back to reality. Was everything just a dream? Did I dream it or were we really that close to kiss?

(Me) Yeah, why not

I give her a small smile. I'm still in my thought, completely lost. What did just happen? Nothing bad, nothing good. We were at a cross of possibilities, our action could have had so much consequences but she pull away. I am between released and disappointed. I wanted it to happen as much as I didn't want it. She stands up and waits for me to come with her.

POV Shannon

I hate myself so much. I wanted to kiss her so bad but... Anyway. I need to clear my head. I want to go on the beach and walk and just forget about everything that might have happened. I offer Cam to come with me and she answers yes.

We are on the beach, walking in silence. At some point I grab her hand. We intertwine our fingers, it feels normal and warm... and so natural. I try not to look at her too much but she is magnetizing, I can't help.

(Me) Cam...

(Cammie) This place is beautiful...

(Me) Cam, I don't want to lie, not with you. Can we talk... like really talk?

She looks away for a minute and then those green eyes meet my gaze again.

(Cammie) Can't we just enjoy this moment?

I feel all my courage running away. I want to enjoy this moment, but I can't. I need to tell her, I need to be honest. It is not an option. There is no place for lies in this friendship or whatever this relationship is.

(Me) I would prefer to just enjoy this moment, but I want to be honest with you

(Cammie) I guess we're not teenagers anymore don't we?

(Me) I guess not...

(Cammie) I don't know what to say.

(Me) I can start if you want

During all this time, we didn't stop holding hands, and it gives me some confidence to open my heart.

(Me) So... Cary proposed me

(Cam) Wh...whaaat?

Ok, it wasn't the best start but at least I said it. She seems so confused and a bit... angry?

(Cam) So what did you answer?

(Me) What do you think?

(Cam) This is not a game Shannon!

(Me) I said no...

POV Cammie

Wooooo. Waiiit. What is happening? I am so confused and lost. Half an hour ago we were almost kissing and now she tells me a girlfriend proposed her. And now she tells me she said no. I don't get it. I'm missing something here.

(Shannon) I said no...

(Me) why?

(Shannon) Ok... I... I just can't marry her because she is not the one I picture as my wife even if I love her. I was really shocked when she proposed and all I could think about was that you, Cammie Scott, were supposed to be my wife...

(Me) Shan...

(Shannon) I build my life after our breakup, I grew, I loved, everything changed...but still, I have this box in my dresser... I buy this ring for you a long time ago, I was supposed to give it to you when the right time would come, but we broke up before. And when Cary proposed I wanted to say yes, but I couldn't because you were still in my head the only one I could picture my life with. It makes sound stupid, I know, but this is the truth.

She starts to cry and all I can do is crying with her. She takes a deep breath and starts to talk again.

(Shannon) I didn't even know who you were anymore, I mean, you grew and change as I did during those few years, but there is something about you I can't explain, only my heart knows. When I met you at the airport the other day, my heart started to beat fast, and all I wanted was to hug you and kiss you. And now I am discovering you again and I really like this new version of you, it is still so natural and easy to be with you. You grew and so did I, but I feel the things that made us fall in love the first time are still here, and all the road travelled those years just helped me grow to be able to love you in a better way. It is messy, and complicated and I didn't want it, I'm sorry. I just can't lie to you, I love you Cammie Scott.