My Messed Up Past

Have a nice life

I sit next to dad, twiddling with my thumbs as the judge bangs her stick thingy.

"And with that, I charge Nikki Freya White guilty of murder."

Mum was sat to the side of us, so I could see her face. She didn't seem bothered at all-- in fact, what made me sick was that she had a sly grin on her face. Honestly, she truly terrifies me. I hope I never see her again.

"Hey," dad whispers, snapping me away from my thoughts, "You ok?"

I nod numbly. "I will be. Just... look at her. She's smiling. Ugh, it makes me sick seeing her."

Dad's eyes wilted sadly and he squeezed my hand. "I understand, lolly. But don't look at her; she's going to be locked up in a cell for the next thirty years, and then she's going straight back to the mental hospital. She will never touch you again."

"But dad, she already escaped once! How do we know she won't do it again? And how did she even get out in the first place?"

Dad shrugs. "Honestly, I have no idea. I don't think the police ever found out. And honey, you need to stop worrying, she won't escape again."

I glance where mum is, only to see she's gone. The police officers have already taken her away.

Dad nudges my shoulder. "Let's get some food, alright? We can celebrate."

We make our way out of the courthouse, ready to raid junk food stores.

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Our 'celebration' was good. We ate about ten thousand calories, and then curled up on the sofa and watched the whole Harry potter, hunger games and divergent series. (I recommend• ◡•)

But now we're driving again, to see mum. Dad somehow managed to convince me to say goodbye to her one last time. Then, we're not going to visit her. We're going to actually move on with our lives, and to do that we need to leave her in the past. That's also the reason we're moving house, to a new town with no memories, no suffering by seeing people everyday who are scarred for life because of mum.

We pull into the prison carpark and as we enter dad puts a protective arm over my shoulder and pulls me close. "Don't leave my side," he whispers, looking at me worriedly. "This place is going to be scary."

The receptionist smiles and wave us through, and I gulp anxiously.

We pass through a dark room, with an empty cell in it. But the next one has a inhabitant-- I shrink into dad as the man in there locks eyes with me.

He has overgrown, matted hair that literally stands off his head. His skin is stained with mud and he reeks of... blood. But the worst are his eyes: black as the night, murderous, but so honest. I can physically see all the pain in his eyes, everything he's been through, all he's done.

They say eyes are a window to your soul.

I shudder as we pass the unsettling soul, and thankfully mum is in the next room.

She's sitting cross legged near the entrance of the cell, looking bored. Her eyes light up as she sees us.

"Mike! Lola!" She claps her hands togethor. "I knew you would come."

Dad huffs as he takes a seat. I quickly follow him.

"This is just a short visit, Nikki. We won't be here long."

Mum pulls a pouty face. "Meanies."

I vomit in my mouth. This woman has killed two innocent people, parents, and just called us meanies with a pouty face? Someone stop me, or I'll be the one charged with murder.

"Mum," I try to keep my voice steady, "This is the last visit in a long time. We're moving."

Mum raises an eyebrow. "Where to?"

Dad mutters under his breath, "Lie through your teeth Lola."

I nod and smile bitterly at mum. "We're moving to Butter town, the town that origionally started butter."

Mum looks interested. "I can't wait to see it."

She says it genuinely, and this makes my heart hurt. Even though she's a murderer, I can't help but miss her: she's my mum, after all. I love it when her mother side shines through the mad side.

Dad talks to mum for a while, saying his goodbyes, and then he looks at me expectantly. "Your turn."

I nod and crouch next to the bars, staring deep into mum's eyes.

In them, I can see love, confusion, and a little bit of hurt. I feel bad for my mum. But I don't feel an ounce of pity for the murderer. Because yes, I do believe they are two different people.

"Mum, even though you don't get what you did wrong, you messed up. You messed up big time. You killed, you traumitised, you threatened... you destroyed. But you know what?"

She looks up at my face, like a little kid. I feel like I should protect her, but I push on.

"I forgive you. I forgive you, because that's what you told me to do. I will listen to you one last time."

I heard dad sniffle.

"When I was little, whenever I did anything wrong or naughty, you would forgive me. You would say, "Always forgive the person who did wrong, always, because there is also another point of view. Another pair of shoes to try on". So here you go mum. I'm trying on your shoes for today."

Water splashes down my cheek and I quickly rub it away, embarrassed. I stand up and dad does too.

He pulls me into a hug and whispers, "You did good honey-- well done."

We both turn to mum, giving her one last look. I make an effort to smile; I think it comes out as a nasty grimace.

"Have a nice life, mum."

With that, we leave her to suffer in that rat run.

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Jeez, I can feel the saltiness oozing out of Lola's pores.

I'm super excited for Sunday! If you read the last chapter in my a/n you will know ;)

What's something exciting that's happening to you guys?

Please comment and vote!!

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