What a tragedy // Billie Joe Armstrong

[27] Birthday girls cry too

"Light it up birthday girl," Tre grinned passing me the unlit joint. I took it in my hand.

"Why thank you," I laughed. I looked around the circle of I, Tre, mike, Billie, violet and Addison. "Who's got a lighter?"

"I have!" Billie said quickly diving his hand into his pocket and pulling out the same lighter we used last night to light up the candle on my cupcake. I smiled lightly taking it from his hand.

"Thank you,"

I lit up the end of the joint before taking a hit, and we began to pass it around the circle.

"I can't believe your mom left you on your birthday," violet said, "especially you're eighteenth."

"I know, but I guess I'm happy she did. I'm enjoying this," I smiled.

"The weed or us?" Tre asked as he blew out the smoke and passed it over to mike beside him.

"The company you idiot,"

"Your turn Billie," Mike said nudging Billie with his elbow and the joint in his hand. Billie zoned back into reality when mike nudged him as he looked around confused.

"What did you say?"

"Here," Mike said trying to pass the lit joint over to Billie.

"I'm not really feeling it," he shrugged. "Here," Billie said taking it as he passed it straight back around to me.

I took it from him and looked at him confused. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm just not really in the mood to get high tonight."

"And why's that?" I asked him as I looked at him, and passed the joint straight over to violet on the other side of me without having any.

"I guess I just don't wanna feel like that right now," he shrugged.

"First time I've ever seen you decline a joint," Mike sniggered.

"Shut up," Billie sighed. He didn't seem to have much effort in him right now. He looked tired and worn down. "Can I use your bathroom?" He asked me.

"Sure, come on I'll show you where it is," I said standing up, although he knew. But I would have preferred to ask him alone what was wrong. Maybe then I would get some sort of answer. I was worrying. "I'll be back in a second," I said looking back down to the rest of the group as they nodded and Billie and I walked up the stairs.

"That room there," I said as we got to the top stairs as I pointed to my bathroom door.

"Thanks," he said as he began to walk over to it, but I wouldn't let him. I quickly grabbed his arm as he turned to me confused.

"What's wrong?" I asked him worryingly.

He looked at my face closely as he breathed out, I let go off his arm. I don't think I needed to still have hold of it anymore.

"Billie I'm worried,"

"I'm okay," he finally said.

"You're not. I can see you're not, why are you lying to me?"

"Because it's your birthday and you don't deserve to be worrying about me. I'm okay." He assured.

"But Billie, I-" I stopped myself mid-way through sentence looking into his green eyes. They looked so sad tonight. And it's breaking my heart. He's breaking my heart, and I can't help him. "Okay," I whispered. He turned around as he headed into the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

Everything sucks.

Agreed. Everything bites.

I decided to quickly head into my room just to wait for Billie, I sat down on Addison's bed. "I wish you was here," I whispered to myself as I felt my heart knot up. I ran my fingers over her pillow as I picked it up and sort of hugged it.