DamiRae Week: 2020

May 14: Soulmates

It was said that humans originally had two heads, four arms, and four legs. Zeus being terrified of them used a lighting bolt and split them in half. Now people were cursed with the task of finding their other half; their "soulmate" as some put it. Damian had thought this to be utter bullshit, for two reasons.

From a logical standpoint it didn't make much sense. Wouldn't your "other half" be the same sex as you? Yes he knew that people of the same sex got together - quite honestly Damian didn't even know homophobia was a thing, he didn't understand why people were so concerned about something that had nothing to with them. Even then, wouldn't that mean you were falling in love with yourself?

He had lived in a world where love wasn't a possibility. After leaving Nanda Parbat, and being forced to attend school, he realized that most people had children with someone they were in love with. His Father wasn't in love with his Mother -which he completely understood- and was only conceived because Talia had slipped Bruce a roofie.

Damian found this whole theory to be bullshit and wouldn't be surprised if it's what hopeless romantics tell themselves. No, Damian Wayne refused to believe that there was someone like him. That walking on this earth, or any planet, was his other half. It was illogical and stupid to think otherwise.

Then he met Raven

Originally he had thought that he was genetically modified to not feel the emotion of love. But somewhere along the way he found this thought to be wrong. At first he hated the way it made him feel, not having control over himself and experiencing new emotions. He knew his Father and Grayson would be happy that he was finally feeling something other than anger and was getting the chance to dive into the depths that are emotions. But he was not a fan of this one.

With anger or hate he could control it easily, flawlessly. This one decided it wasn't leaving without a fight. He couldn't keep his eyes off of Raven and would sometimes have to force himself to look away. He knew she had caught him staring sometimes, luckily she never brought it up. He hated that it seemed like he had no control over his body, never getting the chance to just be himself around her anymore.

Somewhere in the midst of this war he grew to like the feeling. Sure it wasn't fun seeing Raven get hurt or knowing that she was constantly fighting a battle within herself. But he learned that the fights and bruises came with the job and she could handle it. He could feel it in the pit of his stomach. It was this warm fuzzy feeling, one that he had grown accustomed to.

Raven could never feel his emotion unless she really wanted to depict them. He had a good grasp on them and his true feelings were always covered by a thick layer of hate and anger. So he didn't fear that she would find out through her abilities. He made sure not to do anything unusual or out of the ordinary. He had a lot of self control, more than most people realized.

He assumed that this feeling would go away; and while he waited he relished in this new emotion, liking the warmth it brought, in a way different from anger. Although he liked the feeling he knew that it would dissipate, thinking of his infatuation with Raven just that, infatuation. Just some silly, meaningless crush. 

He was wrong.

What he expected to go away in a couple of weeks had only grown in months that followed. Slowly the balance that his feeling had been under started to shift. Anger and hatred were no longer his dominant emotion. This new and unnerving emotion was.

Sure he had welcomed it when he thought that it wasn't a big deal, but this was a big deal. He knew Raven could feel the shift in his emotions, and that scared him more than anything. Anyone else, if it had been anyone else he wouldn't have cared. He might have even told them, but not Raven. not only could he lose her friendship -which he valued more than he cared to admit- he would lose her altogether. lose her trust. lose those rare but breathe taking smiles that she reserved for him and him alone. lose their early morning chats and afternoon tea. Lose seeing the grateful way she handled herself in battle. He didn't want to lose that, any of that.