Laugh to Death

Part 1: Team Edward and Team Jacob

Okay, so you know about the two teams.....stupid, right? Watch me pick on them :D By the way, Twi-hearts, if you are PASSIONATELY in love with Twilight, don't read this.

That's right, I'm picking on you Mr. Steroids-and-Spray-Paint-Abs Jacob Black.

So..here it goes!!

1) Jacob is a four-legged mutt. Just saying.

2) Edward is a disco ball.

3) If Edward can't control himself around Bella...then how does he do it anyways when it's that time of the month...?

4) Edward was f.k.a. Cedric Diggory, a fallen wizard in the Tri-Wizard Tournament. He was never bitten once by a vampire, therefore, he should've stayed dead. Actually, scratch that. He should never had died in the first place. He's a cutie-pie :D

5) Jacob forced himself onto Bella. Why didn't Edward just trip off his face?!?! I would've been like, "Whoa, Shady, wait a minute, that's my girl, dawg!".

6) Jacob is a pedophile!!! Who imprints on a BABY?!?!

7) Jacob's a sissy.

8) Jacob's a fake. He's not even a real werewolf. He's a "'shape-shifter that merely takes the form of a wolf by coincidence"' according to Caius. What the heck Meyers???

9) Edward is suicidal. What kind of a MAN considers suicide? FOR A GIRL? PLUS strips down half naked to get killed by a very weak government system? that's not good family/emotiona/personal/social values

10) Jacob tried to kill Renesmee BFORE he saw her eyes. What kind of a soulmate tries to kill you???

11) Edward watched Bella in her sleep. "I love watching you sleep" he says. CREEP!

12) Edward can outrun humans.Jacob can outrun vampires AND humans. Bella's just a wimp.

13)Maybe the reason why Edward can't read Bella's thought because she doesn't have any...?

14) Jacob may be hot in temperature, but that's about it. Spray-abs are NOT cool. However, Edward's hot, and he's cold-skinned :D