Damaged

Memories

'Hello?' his voice echoed down the finally silent phone.
'Hello, is that Joe Sugg?' an unfamiliar and cold voice questioned the young man.
'Errmmmm, yes. Yes, it is.' He replied with a shaky voice, nor irrationally nervous.
'I'm Sargent Maria Shelley and I have some unfortunate news for you about Nina, are you able to talk currently?' And in the moments that followed this introduction, the young adult's world came crashing down into a million pieces that could never be sewn together again.

'And the girl that will be keeping you in line, when you're not online is... Dianne.' Joe was stood next to Tess, with shaking legs and sweaty palms when his Strictly Come Dancing partner was finally revealed to him. His brain frantically scrambled through the list of names and faces that he had learned in the last few weeks desperately trying to remember who Dianne was. An eyeful of vibrant red hair charging towards him quickly reminded him that Dianne was the undeniably stunning red headed professional.

The two were quickly whisked away back stage for their post-pairing interviews and pictures for what felt like hours. There attempts at conversations quickly broken up by producers dragging them apart for individual pictures.
Finally, after the whirlwind of the evening, Joe was sat in his dressing room, with a glass of water and a packet of Cheese and Onion crisps, which weren't his (nor anybody else's) favourite but at least it was food, which was more than he'd had since his breakfast bar mid-morning. There was then a little, almost inaudible knock on his door.
'Come in" The 27 year old called out with a quitter sigh, assuming it was a producer dragging him away from his moment of peace. But to the YouTuber's surprise, his red-headed dance partner entered the room, with a beaming white grin despite her clearly exhausted circles beneath her eyes.
"Hi Joe ermm just checking that you're good with an 8:30 start in the morning?" The Australian asked Joe
"Oh yeah, rehearsals, I had almost forgotten they start tomorrow," he mumbled to himself "yeah, half 8 sounds good, and good luck. You're going to need it trying to make me dance because ermm well I just can't really do it." He continued, all of a sudden feeling crushingly nervous about the prospect of dancing in front of somebody who was basically a complete stranger to him
"Nah, I don't think I'll need that much luck with you, I think you'll surprise everybody if I'm being completely honest Joseph." She told him with the brightest smile still painted across her face. Joseph. Why did she call him that, nobody's called him that since her, since Nina. Her bright green eyes and long dark hair with her beautiful nose and soothing voice and her calmness that she could instil within the cripplingly nervous boy.
"Joe, err Joe, have you zoned out?" A thick Australian accent sliced into his train of thoughts, pulling his mind away from her.
"Oh yeah, I'm still here sorry about that just thinking about something." He replied, sheepishly and uncertainly.
"Go on Joe, go home get some rest you're clearly knackered, I'll see you in the morning, bright and early." And with that she was gone, leaving the YouTuber alone with his thoughts. Taking a sharp intake of breath to clear his head, he stood up from the sofa and began to gather his belongings up and ordering a taxi to get him back to his safe space.

The night was already dark and surprisingly cold for the end of August, he zipped up his jacket as he climbed out of the Uber and made his way to the lobby of his flat. His head was still spinning with Strictly and dance steps and most of all that name 'Joseph', why did she use it, nobody ever used it. His head was scrambled, with flashbacks, but for now, he knew he needed to get up to his apartment and crash for the night.
Pulling out his keys, he unlocked his door and walked inside to see Byron sat on the sofa, laptop on his knee probably working.
"How was that bro?" He asked Joe, still clearly preoccupied with his laptop
"Oh it was alright yeah thanks, I erm well I" He began to mumble his words
"You what?" The South African questioned, clearly perplexed by Joe's unclear sentences
"Oh nothing, just tired and nervous for tomorrow I guess." He brushed off his clearly confused thoughts "Night Byron, I'll see you tomorrow." He closed the conversation and turned around to walk upstairs to his bedroom.
Lying in bed, surrounded by the sounds of the city, his heartbeat began to slow for the first time all day and he let his mind travel to his favourite place, with her and just her. He imagined them dancing together, her in a white dress and him in his navy suit, that were already picked out. Her smell washing over him and up into his brain, where it could settle forever. That was love. And he was never going to get it again. With heavy eyelids, the floppy haired boy began to doze off, into his happy place, where the memories felt like real life and the pain didn't need drowning in alcohol to feel bearable.

"beep, beep, beep." With a grown, Joe spun round in bed to snooze his alarm, knowing he had only minutes before he needed to be dressed and ready to leave but still to sleepy to do anything about it. He curled around his pillow and let those heavy eyelids take him back to his final minutes of peace for the day.
"beep, beep, beep." The Youtuber knew he actually had to get up. He swung his legs over the side of his bed, placing his aching feet on the cold floor and wrapping a dressing gown over his torso. With a deep intake of breath, he stood up and began getting ready for his first proper day of dancing.