The hours began to stretch into days which stretched into weeks. His drunken daze was still firmly settled over his mind, his pain was numbed and his thoughts put at ease. Whilst she wasn't here, he couldn't think of any reason why he should be, his boy didn't need him, he needed his mother, and he wasn't going to get her. The decisions he made were huge and yet they felt to him like just another yes or no, just one more hassle that his brain couldn't handle. Slowly but surely, the young adult began to burn through his pre-recorded videos, uploading them, pretending it was filmed that day, hiding the gut-wrenching truth from his blissfully unaware audience.
"You did it Joe, you were amazing out there," Dianne squealed to her dance partner when they made it backstage, away from the bright lights and cameras "I'm so so so so proud of you." She carried on, Joe still in shock about what he had just done and remained mute, just enjoying every moment, watching his new friend beam at him
'I did it." Was all the 27 year old could make out, because he had, despite all his nerves and uncertainty, he had done it and he couldn't quite believe it.
Rehearsals began again the following Monday, but the YouTuber was slightly less nervous for this week despite the looming elimination on Saturday night
"Alright then Joe, this week, we're doing the Charleston," Dianne informed him, but based on the blank expression instilled on his face, she could only assume that meant nothing to him
"What you keep forgetting Dianne is that despite my almost professional dance moves on Saturday night, I'm not yet a proper professional, I know its pretty surprising, but you telling me we're doing the Charlotte dance means absolutely nothing to me," He confirmed the reason for his blank face
"Number 1, it's the Charleston, not the Charlotte and number 2 you're dancing was just too good that I forgot you've only been dancing for 2 weeks." The professional dancer teased
"Charleston, Charlotte I don't care can you just tell me what it his." The YouTuber continued, and with another giggle from the Australian, the pair set to work learning their week 2 dance.
Looking out of the train window, Joe could see the city slowly turning into his beloved countryside as the dancing pair travelled to his home village for week 2's thatching inspired VT. Joe adored trips to his quiet little village from the usual hustle of London, it could help silence his anxious brain that could never quite be put at ease within the big city
"It's beautiful here Joe," His red headed partner stated, interrupting his train of thoughts, he just replied with some sort of mumble of agreement, still staring out of the dirty window.
The train pulled into his home train station and the pair gathered their belongings before climbing off the train to be greeted by Joe's mum, who was driving them to their VT location, where the Strictly crew were waiting for them
"Oh Joe, oh I've missed you so much," the beaming mother said, pulling her youngest and only son into an embrace "And you must be Dianne, its so nice to meet you," she added as she continued to embrace Joe
"Its so nice to meet you too, and its beautiful here if you don't mind me saying," Dianne replied, beaming at the older woman, who had finally let go of her son and was walking towards her car.
The trio chattered about Strictly and Joe's not surprisingly not terrible dancing on Saturday, as they wound down country lanes. Joe continued to stare out of the window, as he joined in in the conversation, admiring the green trees and grass that were so scarce in London. The forest began to become thinner, as the car approached a roundabout, with a hospital off to the side.
Suddenly, Dianne and Tracy heard a deep intake of breath coming from Joe, interrupting the pleasant conversation
"It's okay Joe, you're okay, everything is okay." His Mum responded, aiming to sooth her child like she did when he was younger and grazed his knee. Dianne just looked from Joe to his Mum and back again, trying to make sense of the odd turn of events but could gather nothing from their faces
"I know Mum, I know, I just hate it here." Was all he said in reply before the conversation continued, like nothing had happened at all, leaving the professional dancer none the wiser as to what had triggered Joe's sudden change of mood.
The countryside was changing back to a city landscape, with the open green fields being replaced by grey buildings and the sky returning to its smoky haze form the clear blue that had spread across the West Country, the dancing duo were alone on the train and Dianne figured it was worth approaching the situation she had witnessed earlier out of her own curiosity.
"Errm, Joe if you don't mind me asking, what was earlier about, when we were in the car with your Mum?" The red head asked tentatively, trying to avoid any awkward upset or anger
"Oh that I thought you'd ask, I'm sorry if it made you feel awkward in the car," he began, with his eyes fixed outside of the window "I'm not sure how much I want to or have the ability to share with you before everything gets too much and I begin to lose it," he continued, perplexing the dancer even more
"It's okay if you don't want to tell me, I shouldn't have asked," She quickly back tracked, realising she had touched a raw nerve
"No, it's okay, I knew you would." He responded, with a sharp intake of breath "How do you feel about coming back to my apartment, Byron's out tonight, we can talk about things there, here doesn't really feel like the place." He continued, pointing to the surrounding train carriage.
"That works for me." Dianne replied, with a subdued tone, knowing that it wasn't worth pursuing any further than that here.
The pair made their way into Joe's apartment, Dianne had only been twice before, once for his birthday party and once to film the reaction video of their Jive but she knew the way to his sofa so when Joe told her to go and make herself at home, she walked over to the living area and sat herself down. After a few moments, Joe came and joined her, with a couple of wine glasses and a bottle of red
"Fancy a glass?" He asked her, trying to somewhat lighten the heavy mood that had fallen throughout his apartment after the duo had arrived
"Yeah go on then, I'm shattered," Dianne replied, again trying to further lighten the mood and relieve some of the awkward tension that had began to form between the pair as they settled themselves down, Dianne still completely in the dark about what she was about to be informed.
"Well, I'm not too sure where to start, so I'll start from the very very beginning."
YOU ARE READING
Damaged
FanfictionThe world seems to know a lot about Joe Sugg; who he lives with, where he goes on holiday and his favourite foods. But his world was turned upside before his life exploded for the rest of the world to watch yet only few people know of his dark, comp...
