Months began to fly past the YouTuber, he had fallen into a new routine, one where he could easily turn his brain off from his past and one where his grief didn't plague his every waking thought or action. His countenance had become moulded into something of a fake smile, which his viewers seemed to believe. Yet every night, when he flicked his bedside lamp off, the grief quickly knocked him off his feet, like a tsunami that had been brewing in the depths of his mind since he'd managed to drift off to sleep the night before. Some nights would be filled with upset and tears, others with anger and some with an odd sense of joy, when he remembered the way she made him feel and how he was lucky enough to have known her for those years.
"No, wrong." The professional dancer exclaimed for the millionth time that day, it was Thursday and the pressure was building as the YouTuber continued to mess up whilst waltzing, he was feeling irrationally guilty, as though he was letting down his dance partner, who had put every waking minute into trying to teach him this dance and he just could not grasp it
"I'm sorry." He mumbled, like his did every time she had to stop and correct him, clearly embarrassed as to how much he was struggling with the technical ballroom number.
"No Joe, don't apologise, just do it right next time." The Australian snapped, surprising her dance partner, who only knew the patient and calm dance teacher that had been teaching him for the last month and a bit, the pressure of this week clearly impacting her too.
The pair began dancing again from the beginning, with no more words spoken between them, Joe hoping he wouldn't infuriate his dance partner anymore and Dianne hoping if they ran it enough times he'd pick up at least one right step.
Hours began to drag by, and the dancing duo still weren't communicating well, Dianne getting increasingly frustrated and Joe feeling increasingly guilty, which combined was producing worse dancing and less chemistry between them.
"I think we should have a lunch break for 15 minutes." The YouTuber piped up after they had finished yet another poor run through of the waltz "This," He indicated to the dancefloor "clearly isn't working right now, so let's try again in a bit." He continued, trying to justify his request to his dance teacher.
'Okay Joe, fine, you're probably right." She snapped back, unable to reign in her anger anymore, the pair grabbed their lunches from their bags and sat on opposite sides of the studio, keeping themselves to themselves and hoping the situation would fizzle out once they'd eaten.
The pair were getting back into there starting positions, despite only a few terse words being shared between them
"Dianne, we can't carry on like this." Joe finally snapped, knowing that a romantic and elegant waltz wasn't about to happen if the ones dancing it could barely talk to each other
"And why not Joseph." She snapped back, not in the mood to try and talk out her issues. She heard no response to her question so after a moment of silence, she looked up at her dance partner, to see tears slipping out of his blue eyes, his face appeared to have crumbled from the once filled with frustration over the waltz to one of grief and sorrow. Confusion washed over Dianne, before the penny dropped. She had called him Joseph. "I'm so sorry Joe, I completely forgot oh how could I be so stupid," her rage quickly dissipating into remorse
"It's fine Di," He whimpered, trying to regain his composure, determined to get back to dancing as soon as possible, knowing they didn't have time for him to be welling up at his dance partner using the wrong name for him.
"No, it's not fine, I'm so sorry Joe, I just forgot." She continued to apologise, feeling incredibly guilty for causing such upset to her dance partner "Do you want to take a couple of minutes out?" She asked, instantly reverting back to her usual caring and sensitive self, forgetting completely about the waltz and her teaching failures. The YouTuber shook his head, clearly determined to carry on with the Waltz
"I'll be fine." Was all he said, so the red head nodded and pressed play on the music, hoping that now the pair weren't raging at each other the dance would run much smoother and more like a proper waltz. The pair began to dance again, this time the YouTuber seemed less rigid and more fluid, like he had some of the tension built up within his muscles had been relieved by having a moment to cry and truly feel his emotions, which he tried to avoid, knowing it usually caused more harm than good.
The pair continued to Waltz throughout the rest for the afternoon and into the evening, with Joe making huge amounts of improvement and Dianne feeling less insecure about her teaching techniques.
"Alright then Joe, it's getting late, we should probably call it a night." The Australian told her dance partner at half past nine, knowing that they had an early call time into Elstree the following morning
"Can we just go one more time?" He asked, determined to prove to both her and himself that he could do one full run of the dance with no small errors, knowing that if he could, his nerves would settle slightly better tonight
"Alright then, but then it's straight to bed for you" She responded, sounding like his mother. The duo got back into their starting positions and began to dance the same dance for the thousandth time that day
'The lovers, the dreamers in me.' The song came to an end as the pair sat down on the bench, both of them smiling ear to ear, Joe turned to face the red head, who was looking straight at him
"How was that?" He heaved, still short of breath from the dance, the Australian just smiled in response, knowing he would know that meant she was proud of him. The pair continued to stare at each other, both of them just embracing the peaceful moment, which was so well deserved following the tense day they had just completed. Dianne's eyes were drawn to his blue sparkling eyes, which seemed to glisten in a way she had never noticed before, she found herself being absorbed into those eyes. It felt as though she was couldn't look away, like an invisible force had trapped her. Her mind began to wander to where it was the night before, she knew, in that moment that she loved him more than she would ever be able to admit, but she also knew that she would never be able to tell him. And that broke her heart.
The YouTuber's eyes were also drawn to his dance partner's brown, all-encompassing eyes, which he had never truly appreciated until that moment. His body was filled with adoration for that girl, her patience, her sensitivity, her humour and her beauty. Every part of her he appreciated. However, as the adoration washed over his body so did guilt. He shouldn't be thinking like that, not whilst he was still in love with Nina. He could never truly tell her how he felt because he would forever feel guilty. And that broke his heart.
YOU ARE READING
Damaged
FanfictionThe world seems to know a lot about Joe Sugg; who he lives with, where he goes on holiday and his favourite foods. But his world was turned upside before his life exploded for the rest of the world to watch yet only few people know of his dark, comp...
