Can't Stop Wanting You. (EDITED)

Chapter 18 - Brave.

Lily's POV (19th December)

Today I am off to the doctors after work to see what's going on with me and this flinching bollocks.

I don't know what to think at the moment and I'm hoping that this is easily fixed. It probably doesn't help that I've been putting it off either and putting it down to anything else. Any other excuse I can find.

I guess I just didn't want to think that Leo had that much of a hold on me. And I guess at the time he didn't, but now I'm seeing the consequences to sticking around with him for 5 months being aggressive. There must have been a part of me that was waiting for the day he did finally hit me, it seems to have left something behind, even though he's gone now.

I sit at my desk and start making phone calls and sending the emils I needed to send. Ring! Ring!

This phone doesn't stop all bloody day. I never get through 1 email without picking up the phone.

After finishing up the phone call, I get up and go into my managers office. "Hey Caroline, sorry to bother you, I just wanted to ask if it was okay for me  to leave an hour early today, I've got a doctors appointment at 4:45?" I ask her and she stands to walk closer to me.

"Yes, yes of course. I hope everything's okay! Can I just ask one thing of you? Can you have Harveys numbers done before you go? He needs to know the numbers for the electricals that got sent to Dublin yesterday?" She asks.

"Yeah of course, thank you. And yeh everythings okay, cheers for asking" I say with a smile as I leave.

I love my manager, so long as you do your job well and don't take the piss, she's a very giving and understanding person to have above me.

I get cracking on the numbers and the rest of my list of work for the rest of the day.

At 4:40 I'm sat in the doctors waiting room. I feel nervous that the doctors going to tell me I'm a nut job and have some serious screws lose.

I know that won't happen realistically, but my head is swirling with what ifs.

"Lily Porter?" A doctor calls from the double doors. I stand and walk to him and go into the room and sit at the chair in front of the desk.

"So how can I help you today Lily?" He asks me.

"I'm really sorry, I don't know if this was the best place to come or not, but I didn't know where else to go and I thought that you might have more of an idea about where I go next-" I ramble on at him, before he cuts in with a smile.

"How about you just start by telling me and then we can work out whether or not I'm of any help, yes?" He says and I nod.

"Okay.. so, I broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago. I'm with someone else now and he's lovely, he would never hurt me..but I flinch when he comes near me and I automatically react to him as though he's going to hurt me and I know he would never do that to me... I think there's something wrong with me?" I tell him.

He nods and types on the computer, "okay, have you ever experienced any trauma from being with someone or had negative reactions to you in any way before? Like family or friends, or was it your ex boyfriend that you think may have started off your flinching? I'm just trying to judge, if it's a psychological or mental symptom that needs to be addressed or if it's because of trauma and could have lead onto a form of PTSD." He explains and I nod again.

"No, no family or friend has ever behaved in that way toward me and Erm.. but maybe my ex yeah. I split up with my ex because he was... well, he wasn't great at me not giving him my undivided attention... he would get mad" I tell the doctor.