Can't Stop Wanting You. (EDITED)

Chapter 23- A Choice.

Lily's POV (18th January)

It's been 3 and a half weeks since Christmas. The worst day of my life. How can I explain the last few weeks other than to say that it was hard. Everything.

Emotionally, mentally, physically.

Seeing people was the hardest part because even when my eyes were practically glued shut, I could see their faces. The looks that I was getting from everyone, the worst thing was pity.

My face is still black and blue and nearly twice it's normal size still. My eyes have gone down a lot after being completely swollen up, to the point where I could barely open them. I can finally see now.

I've had to have a body brace on, to make sure that when I moved it wouldn't disrupt my collar bone healing. It was hard getting used to how uncomfortable that was as well.

Sleeping was near impossible some nights, no matter how many drugs they gave me. Tom was there to message me through a lot of that though. Even though he wasn't physically there he still tried holding me up, even from afar.

I had 2 lots of stitches, one set could scar but that's along my hair line, so hopfully will be forgotten about before long.

I have been seeing the therapist 4 times a week because everyone's worried. The worst part of it all though is that I can't be with Tom like I want to be. The kids were scared of me when they saw the state of me a week and a half after Leo attacked me.

I could see how torn Tom was between staying with me and going with his kids, of course I told him to go with them. It was the right thing to do, but that left me sat in the hospital to think and all I could do was cry. I kept the curtains in the hospital covered so that no one could see what a mess I was, both on the inside, as well as the outside.

My body ached and crying hurt, but I couldn't keep it all in.

I was told all about Skylars 9th birthday party. She turned 9 on the 7th and Matty made her a necklace using beads and metal charms. He's such a cutie.

I was released from the hospital 2 days ago and I've just been trying to get things back to how they should be. My concussion remained for 2 weeks and that worried the doctors at the hospital, so they had to keep me in until it was gone.

Lacey comes out of the shower as I'm putting all the shopping away. "hey hun, didn't realise you went shopping... was it okay?" Lacey asks sounding unsure if she should ask.

"erm.. honestly? No it was horrible. My face is still bruised and you can see the mess I still am, but I needed to do it. I needed to get out of this flat and just face it. The therapist agreed that if I felt I needed to do it, that I shouldn't surpress any feelings I had right now... the bruising and the marks are going to take a little longer to disappear and I've got to face up to that now rather than later... I need to just face that I'm a mess" I say with my voice cracking as I hold in the tears.

It was horrible seeing all of the looks and people talking about me. Lacey comes over to me, putting her arm round me.

"hey it'll be okay. I know it's hard, you've always been beautiful and suddenly things don't look the way they used to, but you're still that same beauty and even if the outside has taken a bit of a beating, you're still beautiful. It's not permanent. Remember that. I think it's amazing that you've even decided to do this on your own. You're amazing Lil, and don't you forget it!" she says and I give a small laugh.

I've always been told by people that I'm pretty and beautiful, I guess I never realised what an amazing thing that was until now, when it's been taken away and now I see people pointing and staring and whispering about me. I never thought I cared particularly for beauty or whether or not I thought I was pretty, I was always just me. Now I see what a big impact it's had, now that it's gone, even just temporarily.