Can't Stop Wanting You. (EDITED)

Chapter 27- Letting Go.

Tom's POV (27th february)

I feel broken. It's been a week since I've seen Lily and nothing feels right. I'm a mess and even El and Jacob have asked me where she is and why I'm so sad. I don't even know what to tell them. It was Elenors birthday 2 days ago and she didn't understand why she couldn't see Lil. It's breaking my heart.

The bed is too empty, the house is too quiet, even with the two kids. The routine of putting them to bed is 10 times harder and then comes the nights. The nights when the kids are asleep and I just think of everything we've done together, her laugh, doing stupid things like washing up with her or cooking, how she feels, the way she would talk about things with so much passion, how easily she would get up to one of the kids in the night so I could sleep.... the sex. God I miss everything about her.

I cry at night, just silent tears that fall because I can't stop them, when I think about the fact that she's a beautiful girl. So beautiful that every man looks, and one of those men in the next year could captivate her and take her away from me forever.

Don't get me wrong I know she wanted this promotion before me and I don't want to take her opportunities away from her, but I also don't want to push her away from me. I want her to know that I want her to do what she needs to do, but also that I'm here for her when she's back and anytime inbetween.

Then the kids ask me those hard questions.... What do I say? That I was too selfish to listen to her? That I wouldn't just get my arse in gear for her, so that she would be happy? Fuck knows.

I just tell them that Lily is busy and would see them when she could, but working is important.... I can't tell them that she's gone.

Today they're with Carol and Pete for the weekend and Scott's invited me over for some man to man time. I don't know if I want to hear it to be honest, because right now, I don't know if he's going to punch me or try to give me advice on how to move through this. Lily is like a daughter to him, so this could go either way.

I turn up and knock and when Clara opens the door and hugs me, I straight away feel more relaxed. "Hi Tom, what's going on with you two?" She asks straight away as she holds me. Always needs to know, this woman!

"To be honest Cla, I have no idea.... I don't know what to do" I say and my voice starts to break. I come in and am embraced by Scott as well. We sit down as Clara goes to get the Jack Daniels out.

"You're the picture of a broken man right now Tom. What happened? Because I can tell you right now, that Lil ain't doing much better. What's happening with you both, Lily won't speak about what's gone on, but we can see it's hit her like a lead weight. She mentioned a promotion, but we both know it's not the promotion that's the issue... " Scott starts the interrogation immediately.

"She's leaving" I say as I try to hold back tears.

I can't believe this is happening. She's actually going to be gone for a year... maybe more than a year. How am I going to cope for a year, when I can't even pull myself together after a week of not being together?

"What actually happened first of all?" Scott says.

"We've been arguing a lot lately... I want her to move in and she seems to be taking her time over it all, some days staying with me, then some days just deciding she doesn't want to. We argued because she says there's no space in the house for all of her stuff, but to me, I'm not going to move Tara's things until I know she's actually going to be living with us 100 percent of the time... but anyway we sorted that. We talked it through and got to the bottom of it. But the thing is, she thinks I'm not over losing Tara, but the things is, I am... I have been for a couple years now, after the shock wore off." I try to explain. It's hard to tell someone how you feel inside and explain it properly.