Leather and Lace

~ Fear ~

Song is Survivor by Destiny's Child. Up top is Brett, Grace's ex. Enjoy!

The weeks following the night at Sugar's I stayed inside the house. Windows were shut tight and both front and back doors were locked. I knew I was being irrational but I couldn't help myself. At night I had nightmares of the man who nearly raped me breaking into the house and finishing what he started. This time West hadn't been there to save me. I woke up in cold sweats and screaming. A couple of times I managed to wake up Ashe. I felt bad about it but in those moments I was grateful she was there. After the second time of waking her up she started sleeping with me in my room for a week. Even then I had trouble sleeping. The fear was eating me up in the inside. The fear that nightmares brought on plagued me constantly. I refused to close my eyes for dear of what was coming in my sleep. I went days without sleeping until my body forced me to sleep. Only then did the nightmares disappear. When my mind was so exhausted that it couldn't conjure up the nightmare.

Ashe had finally caught on to what was going on after two weeks. She ranted at me about my sleep and how important it was. I tried defending myself but there really wasn't much point in it. No excuse I could come up with would suffice for her. She suggested bringing up what happened at Sugar's with my psychologist. I stubbornly refused to leave the house to do it. She tried cajoling me into at least setting up a session by phone, again I refused. I just wanted it all to go away. I figured with time I could get past it on my own. It finally got to the point where Ashe threatened to spike my food with Melatonin. It sounded extreme but knew she'd never do that to me. Even if it was a natural sleep aide she wouldn't do it. Another week went by the battle of wills was still going strong. Every day she hounded me to make an appointment, and every day I stubbornly refused to go.

Another thing that ran through my mind about that night was West. He beat every stereotype I've ever heard about bikers. He'd saves from the man in the alley and had even taken the time to bandage my wounds and basically gone out of his way to help me. He held his ground when Ashe came storming into whatever room we were in at the time and confronted him like a psychotic mother hen. While only a couple inches taller than me Ashe could be fierce and down right scary. I've witnessed her chase men off using nothing more than her words.... or at least I hope just her words. But rather than be intimidated West stood his ground and even argued with her. It was truly an amazing feat. Had the situation been different I would have laughed at the two of them. What surprised me the most was the fact that he had followed us home and even carried me into my room. No one has ever done that for me. And what he'd said to me just before he walked out left me absolutely confused.

I'm a sucker for pretty girls with blue eyes. I could give a fat rat's ass that you're blind. Those words chased themselves around and around in my head since that night. I've tried dating but nothing came from them. As soon as they realized I was really blind they ran for the hills. And they damn sure didn't say anything like that to me. Even Brett before the accident hadn't said anything like that to me. I didn't know how to process the emotions those words gave me. How did I even begin the process? What was even more astonishing that I was feeling this way towards a virtual stranger that I had no idea what he looked like! He could be ugly and I wouldn't know. All I know about the man was that he was a biker and had a deep voice that made my heart race every time he spoke. I remembered his calloused hands on me from that night. It hadn't registered then. My mind had been so chaotic that I hadn't been able to fully process what was going on. All I really remembered that West's rough hands were slightly ticklish against my skin as he checked me over for injuries.

I felt my cheeks flush hotly at the memory. I couldn't help but wonder all the wicked things he could do with those hands. Stop it! I jerk away from that train of thought shaking my head to help clear it. I couldn't let myself think like that about a total stranger. This wasn't high school any more, and I wasn't some teenager with raging hormones. And yet that hasn't stopped me from picking up my cellphone my finger hovering over his speed dial number ready to call over the past weeks. I once even got up the nerve to press the button to call him but wound up hanging up before the phone even rang once. I was being a coward about it. It wasn't that I didn't want to call, I did. But what would I even say to him when I did work up the nerve to call him? These two thoughts ran around and around in my mind making me restless. I placed through the house trying to get some excess energy spent.