The Acceptance Of Wing Beats

August 7th

This room is full of ghosts.

Or maybe I am full of ghosts.

Either way, I am haunted.

I had Margaret move the suitcase out of my sight but now it lays under my bed like a monster.

I cannot see it but I know it is there. I can feel it. As though it makes the air thicker.

As though it is waiting to open up and suck me inside.

But at least I have some of my clothes again.

I told Margaret to burn the suitcase after she took out its contents but she refused.

I bet I could get Herbie to do it for me, she seems like the type of girl who would have no issue setting things on fire; but the doctor has begun lingering in Aabigail's room during Herbie's shifts. As though he has to protect his sister from the sad girl in the wheelchair.

He blames me for Herbie trying to run off and go get their mother. As if I told her she should go play soldier in the woods.

As if I had grabbed her by her shoulders and said "You still have a mother don't you? Do you not see what happens to girls without their mothers? They end up like me. You wouldn't want that, would you? To be like me?" 

But I hadn't done that.

All I did was exist.

All I did was tell her where I was from. 

I didn't know she and the doctor were siblings nor that their mother was back in their hometown.

Nor could I have had the foresight to know what Herbie's intentions were when she had asked me that simple question. 

But I don't blame her for wanting to get her.

I'd do anything if I could save mother.

But she's already dead.

So.

I guess there's nothing I can do.

Nothing but visit Abigail and be haunted by a carnivorous suitcase.

Aarth visits me when he can. He isn't very good at handling sadness. So he talks loudly as though if he adds as much joy and bass to his voice he could drown out any sadness that might rear its ugly head.

He seems to always be busy. When he walks in he says "I can only stop by for a long moment" before launching into whatever he had come to talk to me about

He is always talking about rations, room capacity, and if we have enough towels. Among other things.

I don't know what things have to do with the war and what does not. I suppose when there is are wars everything is has something to do with them.

The way Aarth talks is as if there is an entire town living in the manor. I would not be able to say if that were true or not since I am confined to this floor.

But with as many people are always coming up and down the open staircase, I wouldn't be surprised.

I don't think I will ever be able to be surprised again.

Aarth could run in my room and say "The Wars are over. Everything is going back to how things were before. The power grids are back online, Aabigail was awake, and you two can go back home."

And I would think. "Of Course".

Of course, the world would kill my parents. Take everything away from me.