Dip$h!+s in space: Season 2

Chapter 20 "Doughnuts and Sour Diesel"

Captain William T Lawg, man of dignity, stood patiently as his toaster pastry popped up and flopped to the counter among the lint and space-ants. With a 5 o'clock shadow and a distinct wobble he slowly lifted I to his face.

"Man, screw big crews. Some of the best teams in space had like 4 people. Sonny and Cher and the other two, Hansen and Crunchy, and that whiney kid with the helmet." Lawg said tripping soberly over his own shoes. "And that one crew with the big blue bitch and the 2 humans and the frog." he said crashing through the chairs as Menace watched him with an entertained look, munching on some sardines as she sat perched on the counter. Duffy dodged a staggering Lawg as she fumbled to the next room.

"God, he is really sober this time. We need to find a space-station or a Quiky Moon with booze, before it gets to be a medical emergency" Duffy sighed.

"We passed medical emergency an hour ago." said Marley. "Cuz it is going to require surgery to get my foot from his ass if he breaks one of my DVD box sets. He's lucky he's the Captain or I'd have already done it for cracking the case to my National Geographic collection."

"Is that just your version of porn?" Duffy asked.

"Attention crew." Said Vee, tapping into the ships coms with her neuro implants. "We have an object on sensors within scanning range."

"Space station?" asked Marley. Vee brought it up on display as Duffy studied the shape.

"Nope...planet. Artificial I'm guessing. Someone abandoned it, you can tell from the graffiti." she pointed out on the big screen. "It's a doughnut planet, shaped like a huge doughnut." Duffy added.

"She's better us off without her!" hollered Lawg, scooting to the captain's chair: a swivel chair they slapped with a sticker reading "Captain" after the other one caught fire from sparklers he hid in the back.

"He's not handling the loss very well is he?" asked Duffy.

"Of Uka's abandonment or the dumb chick who got killed on the Ubert because of him?" asked Marley.

"Either, he mourns the loss of poon like most people mourn family deaths." She nodded.

"Doughnut!" Menace hollered buckling her seatbelt. Lawg climbed the chair and fastened his seatbelt-belt to itself, not realizing it provided no safety being attached to his own pants.

"Lawg, you need to get a real seatbelt." Duffy said strapping in.

"I got this." he pointed.

"Lawg, seatbelts attach to the seat. In its current state, it's basically just a belt."

"I know...its portable and therefore efficient." he argued.

Suddenly there was a jolt and the ship stopped. Unfortunately Lawg didn't. He met the front console with enough force to nearly split a Lawg, caving in the plastic cover.

"Unbelieveable, luck of the friggin whatever." grumbled Duffy as Lawg lead the away-team of literally everyone except the pilot. Marley just grinned.

"I know, apparently it's a real thing. He is 4 hours from fatal sobriety, takes a sudden blow to the head and gets knocked straight again. Luckily that hidden stash of boxed wine stuffed in the secret spare-glove box softened the blow. Who knew wine came in soft milar pouches wrapped in cardboard." he said munching on some fruit chews. "Those boxes saved his life twice in a row.

"Must be some fancy stuff," Lawg smiled. All the alcohol I've ever seen was in disposable glass bottles. Glass is garbage, they make spaceships out of milar."