Dip$h!+s in space: Season 2

Chapter 22 "Laser swords and feminist starships"

Captain Lawg took off his helmet as he took a sip of his juice box. Marley turned slowly and looked at him like a disappointed parent who just watched their lil troublemaker steal another cookie.

"Seriously Lawg...just gonna take off your helmet on an alien world without scanning or checking for oxygen...do you know if there is oxygen?" he asked rhetorically.

"Seems to be." he shrugged. Marley rolled his eyes.

"I better be in your will." he grumbled.

"You don't get in the Will-will with that attitude..." he said finishing his refreshment and pulling out a recording device to document the find. He strolled casually through the debris and looked around for any signs of survivors among the wreckage scattered around and overhead.

"Captain Lawg-Log, Stardate...Wednesday."

"Thursday." Marley Corrected.

"Thursday, October 34th, year unknown."

"We know the year." Duffy yelled.

"Shut up, it's unknown to me, you know star dates are arbitrary as shit and make no sense. It takes a professional mathematiscist to keep track of those."

"Or a calendar app on your com-phone." Marley muttered.

"What? Ugh, seriously? Captain's Lawg-Log side number B. We have discovered a strange planet with a large spaceship and a ton of debris, like just...buttloads of debris, like a lot. The species is unknown but the scans of the garbage suggest mostly humanoid. The ship is still hovering despite no thrusters or power we can detect...its possible that they have some advanced levitation systems or just poor physics, which remains a mystery. This giant floating Triscuit gives me the willy's, but we must explore and find out what killed these people and if we are lucky...find out if they had gelato machines." he finished, clicking the record button from off to on as he pocketed his device.

"This is creepy, Lawg. Whatever killed these people must have happened a long, long, long time ago."

"Somewhere far, far away." squinted Lawg.

"No, right here." Marley sighed.

"Right, my bad." he said breaking the death-glare he was beaming to the ship. He spotted something and picked it up, some kind of cylinder.

"What you got?" asked Marley "Some kind of weapon?" he asked as Lawg held it to his eyes and clicked the botton a few times.

"Nope. Maybe some kind of scope or spy-glass. Doesn't seem to work."

"Probably needs cleaned. Could be a good thing too, if that was a weapon it would have shot right through your he-"

"Oh BALLS!" yelped Lawg as the device turned on, sending a rod of energy right past his face as he fumbled and it stuck in the nearby wall, slowly melting the stone and inching its way down from the resistance.

"SEE!" Marley scolded. "This is why we don't play with alien technology. You almost turned your face into a doughnut, Lawg."

"Fascinating." he said pulling it out and holding it up. "It's like some form of laser sword." Lawg gasped as Marley scanned it.

"It's not a laser sword. Scanner says it's a plasma suspen-"

"A real laser sword." Lawg smiled waving it around carelessly.