Dip$h!+s in space: Season 2

Episode 17: "The one with Chloe"

The Captain slid across the floor in his socks and waved an envelope in the air.

"Mail!" he hollered as everyone but Roy scrambled to the picnic table.

"Is it there, did we get it?" asked a rather frantic Duffy.

"Yes, everyone take their results. Everyone said I was a dimwit, but who has the power now." he said snickering.

"Dude, chill out...its just genealogy, it's mostly for fun." Marley yawned.

"Hey, check it out...I'm 102 percent Irish." Duffy smirked. "I always was an overachiever."

"Nifty, I'm mostly Delmarian as expected, but I'm 11 percent Screll. It's a subspecies known for their powerful stature and formidable constitution...I didn't know that, obviously a recessive gene." he shrugged.

"I'm a lot of stuff." said Nadine Newman, the newest crewman. A blonde ditsy type he found online at Nucru.com. Lawg obviously hired her for her lack of skills, lack of brains and lack of clothing coverage. She looked up and Lawg was staring blankly at his paper, frozen in a look of confused denial. "You okay?" she asked him, adjusting her very low top.

"Find out you are only 90 percent Chaffee and ten percent potato?" joked Duffy.

"No...I'm 50 percent Chaffee." he said looking heartbroken.

"So, everyone's a little this and that, what is the other 50 percent...human, Space slug?" Joked Marley.

"Human and ...Hologram." he said setting the paper down and shuffling off. They all silently stared at each other. Duffy grabbed the paper and squinted carefully.

"That doesn't remotely make sense...holograms can't even mate!" she scoffed.

"Only the upgraded ones." said Marley with a dark sense of seriousness, slowly grabbing the paper. "According to this DNA ancestry test, Captain Lawg's Dad was half hologram. Probably why he didn't know him, not all ships have hologram projectors." he said looking grim.

"Okay, ha, ha...hilarious. Seriously though, holograms can't mate, their just refracted light." Duffy pointed out.

"Actually..." said the robot. "There have been rare cases of Holograms siring children. It is extremely uncommon but it has happened." he noted.

"How...how can that possibly happen...please explain to me how projected light can impregnate anything...go ahead and break that down for me." Duffy said crossing her arms.

"It is inappropriate to discuss mating rituals of other species, especially something as elusive as holograms." he said. Duffy followed Lawg, to be the voice of reason.

"Hologram?" she barked at Lawg, as he soaked in the tub.

"I don't wanna discuss it right now." he said pouting.

"You do realize this has zero scientific or logical reason to it. Clearly we just got scammed or someone is playing a joke. You can't have a DNA result of something without DNA, use your brain Lawg." she nagged. "Ancestry paperwork is easily flawed."

"I have to find him." he muttered.

"Yea don't listen to me or anything, I'm just gonna go sabotage the ship...bye." she said walking off slowly with no response. He seemed really upset. Lawg wasn't his usual self after that, moping around as he plotted the next mission. Marley entered the room to check on him as he did some basic math and gave himself a headache.