Avenues of the Diamond (University Series #4)

08

"That's not mine." 

I heard him laugh again before tightening his hold on my shoulders. I felt embarrassed, but I still rested my head on his chest, trying to stop my tears from falling. I wanted to cry, I really did, but he was distracting me. Parang umurong na lahat ng luha ko noong niyakap niya 'ko dahil sa gulat. I wasn't expecting that he would actually do it. 

"You can let go now," I whispered. My words were muffled because of his hold. 

He did let me go, but his hand remained on my shoulder while the other one tried to hold my chin up so he could see me clearly. I pouted my lips because they were shaking a little out of nervousness. Clyden's eyes pierced into mine like he was trying to read my thoughts. 

"Ano'ng nangyari?" tanong niya. 

"It's nothing." I gave him a smile and held the door so I could close it. He looked like he wasn't convinced by my smile, so I smiled wider to look happier. "I swear, it's nothing." 

"You like lying," he pointed out. It was not a question. "Why? Do you think it would burden me? That I got my own problems too, and you think opening up about yours will just add up to it? That's how you think, right?" 

"Are you aspiring to become a therapist?" I raised a brow. Everything he said was right.

"No. I want to become a pediatric surgeon," he corrected me, letting out a small smile. "What about you? Do you know what you want to become, or are you also waiting for your dad to tell you?" 

I didn't talk because I didn't know what to say. How can he hit all the right spots? Was he a mind-reader or what? Everything he said was exactly how my thoughts were. That was the time when I realized that I also didn't know what was ahead of me. I was so used to making my dad decide what would happen to my future that I already forgot how to make a choice myself. 

"Gusto mong maging model 'di ba?" He remembered what I asked him last time. "Then pursue that. What's stopping you?" 

"My parents won't like it. They want me to focus on my studies before getting a job or a career. M-maybe if I finish college, I could pursue that. I don't even know if I want that." I looked away. 

I envied him because even though he had problems with his family like me, he still had his life together, and good thing he wanted to become a doctor himself. It was different for me because my dad originally wanted me to enter politics. The only reason he let me study Comm was because it would help me acquire skills I could use for campaigns. That wasn't what I wanted. 

So what about what I want? What do I really want to become? I also didn't know. I wasn't sure of anything yet. I wanted to decide after finishing college. I could try working in a media company, but I was also not that passionate about it. 

"Almost all of my friends are so sure, you know?" I chuckled and bit my lower lip before looking away. "And I can't help but feel a little jealous. They are so sure with the programs they took, and their future is already set and served in front of them like food. They got clear goals. They want to become architects, engineers, directors, lawyers, and here I am... Still lost."