Avenues of the Diamond (University Series #4)

15

"I also do not know the answer to that. I'm sorry. Do you want me to ask my friends?" 

His question got me so confused. It suddenly made me realize that I had no idea what love felt like or how I would differentiate 'love' from simply just 'liking' someone. My idea of love came from fictional books and movies, not from experience and definitely not from my family. I couldn't imagine my parents loving each other ever. 

Were they in love? Did they also fall in love during the process of their engagement, like how Clyden and I were now beginning to like each other? I wondered if, at some point, they also became happy with their marriage, but then my dad cheated with Naomi's mom, and it was all gone. It was all ruined. 

I couldn't get my idea of love into words because I never experienced it. I had dated before and had a boyfriend, but I couldn't say that it was love. Maybe it was something less than that. It was never as powerful as the love that I saw in my friends. Love was so powerful it made my friends devastated, hurt, and broken. Hindi ko pa nararanasan ang umiyak nang ganoon dahil sa pagmamahal. 

I knew platonic love. It was the love I felt with my friends and my sister. It was the love that I could easily express with messages like 'text me when you're home!' or 'see you tomorrow ily!'. The love that was so easy to give. The love that was so easy to express.

But I knew Clyden wasn't talking about platonic love. He phrased it as 'falling in love.' It was the kind of love that was unexpected. It was the kind of love that you wouldn't know unless you admit it to yourself. It was slowly burning in flames until you felt it... and the idea was scary.

I didn't want to get burned because my love had always been selfless. Platonic or not. 

"Have you ever loved someone before?" I asked Clyden this time. I knew the answer would be no because if he did, he wouldn't ask a question like that. 

"If we're talking about the same type of love, then the answer is no," seryosong sagot niya sa 'kin. "I only know the science behind it, but when you finally experience it, suddenly there's no definite meaning or process. It's just... there." 

"You're not sounding like yourself." I laughed to ease off the atmosphere. It was too serious for me. "I'll get back to you when I finally realize the answer to that." 

I stood up and placed the pillow back on the sofa before standing up to throw the empty can of beer away. When I came back, the movie was already finished, and Clyden was also busy talking to someone on the phone, so I just went upstairs. Hindi ko napansin na padilim na pala dahil sa kakanood namin. 

I didn't go down for dinner, so Clyden went up, holding the tray and placing it down on my side table. I was busy doing some school work on my laptop, so after putting the tray down, Clyden tried to sneak a glance at my screen. 

"I'm not hungry," I told him. "Get the tray back." 

"Kumain ka kahit kaunti lang." I thought he would leave, but he sat on my couch instead to watch me do my business.