Avenues of the Diamond (University Series #4)

EPILOGUE

"Nag-delete ka na ng photos n'yo? Wala na sa Instagram mo, e! Ang bilis, ah! Parang wala lang!" 

It had only been months since Samantha broke up with me. I can't say that I was taking it so well even though I looked okay on the outside. Hindi na 'ko umiiyak sa kanya dahil wala na rin naman akong oras para umiyak. Hindi ko rin naman maintindihan kung bakit kailangan kong umiyak dahil kahit ano'ng gawin ko, hindi naman na siya babalik sa 'kin. 

"Archive lang," sagot ko kay Ridge habang nagbabasa ng notes. Pahinga ngayon sa duty pero mas pinili ko na lang na manatili rito sa hospital at mag-aral dahil saan pa ba 'ko pupunta?

"Miss mo na?" Ridge asked again. Hindi talaga matatahimik 'tong lalaking 'to kahit ano'ng gawin ko. Dahil tuloy sa ingay niya, nananatili akong gising kahit wala pa 'kong tulog simula kahapon. 

"Shut up," I said, rereading my notes. Because he was asking so many questions about Samantha, my mind was flying somewhere else again. Kanina ko pa binabasa ang same paragraph pero hindi pumapasok sa utak ko. Ah, fuck. It made me so frustrated. 

My next duty was seven A.M. to seven A.M. the next day. It was tiring, especially when I couldn't sleep even if I wanted to. There were just too many thoughts running inside my mind, so to distract them, I always resorted to studying all night. That was how my clerkship went by, barely even getting sleep, tiring myself out. To be honest, I just felt dead... A dead person with senses. A dead person who could still move with a blank mind. 

I really wasn't taking the breakup and the problem with my parents well. I actually never hated my parents, and I really loved my mom. I knew she just wanted the best for me, but I wanted to prove that I could still live without hanging onto their connections... because I wanted to build a name for myself. I wanted to live for me and not desperately keep up to their expectations. 

"I'm applying for Track B. Are you coming with me?" I asked Ridgen before taking a seat on the gutter. We were both inside the campus, eating a popsicle. 

Some people will take the regular internship, but I chose to have an elective. However, applying still didn't mean I would actually get in since the maximum number of people who could get in was only twenty. I was eligible since I belonged to the top of the class and Ridgen, but then, if I didn't get in, I would end up in a regular one. 

"Oo naman! Sama ako! Si Eva ata, nag Track A na lang," sabi niya habang nakatayo sa harapan ko. "Sana makapasok, 'no? Ipagdadasal ko!" 

At hindi ko akalaing malakas manalangin si Ridgen dahil pareho nga kaming natanggap. Lakas sa langit, ah. 

Iiyak na sana siya dahil akala niya hindi siya kasali kasi maraming may mas mataas na grade sa kanya pero nakasabit naman siya kaya ayos na. Hindi mababa ang grades niya. Marami lang talagang matatalino at sobrang masipag mag-aral. Mga palaging nakaka-uno. 

Magkaiba kami ng rotation sa departments kaya kinailangan kong makisalamuha sa ibang tao. Talking to other people wasn't really hard for me but I wasn't just feeling it. I still had to if I wanted to survive in this field. Hindi ko kayang mag-isa lang.