Avenues of the Diamond (University Series #4)

40

"Do not apologize to me! I don't need it, please." 

I bent down and held both of his wrists, trying to pull him up on his feet, but he didn't budge. He just kneeled there and cried, apologizing over and over for something he didn't do. It wasn't his fault. It was mine. This was happening because of me. 

"Please stop saying sorry. It's my fault. You have nothing to do with this." I started begging in front of him so he could stop because it was already too painful for me. His cries, sobs, every word he muttered. 

"Maybe it was wrong to make you hold on to me..." He sat on the floor and covered his eyes with one hand. "I didn't know that it would hurt like this... I don't want to see you in pain again, Samantha." 

"We are both in pain! Please think about yourself too. It's my fault that your family is being dragged into this mess that the people are starting to doubt you and your profession, that you are being disturbed by the media-" 

"I don't care!" He suddenly raised his voice, looking up at me. "I don't care about that. Why... Why aren't you answering my calls? I tried so hard to reach you but you... pushed me away too. Do you hate me now?" 

Was that it? Was he saying sorry because he thought I hated him? That he ended up blaming himself for this? Just... What was running through his mind? 

"I'm sorry." He tried to wipe his tears using the back of his hand. "I just love you so much, and I was praying and hoping that we could be together again ever since the night you broke up with me... Sam, I know I was the one who let you go, but that decision destroyed me so fucking bad." 

I sat down in front of him and tried to hold his wrists again but he moved them away from me. I bit my lower lip and looked down on the floor. Simula noong umalis ako noong gabing 'yon, wala akong narinig sa kanya. Hindi ko alam kung okay ba siya dahil okay naman siya noong umalis ako. 

"I promised you that I will never... never let go of your hand, but you forced me to. How could I... Tell me... How could I stop when the look in your eyes was telling me that you were already desperate to leave?" He looked down, too, trying to hide his tears from me. "And I was mad after you left because how could you just put everything away in one night? Was it my fault? Because I failed to give you enough time? You didn't give me an explanation. You just said that you didn't want me. How could I understand that?" 

"No..." I cried, too, shaking my head. "No, it wasn't like that... Everything was too much for me that night. Naomi... My parents... Modeling... And I didn't want to drag your family name with me when the issue broke out. Part of the reason was that I wanted to save you and your family's reputation-" 

"That time... I didn't need a savior, Samantha." He looked at me with so much pain in his eyes. "I needed you to stay with me... to lean on me... to hold my hand and promise me that we will get through it together, but you chose to leave." His voice broke. I felt my chest throbbing. 

"I know I said so many things to you, and I didn't mean all of them. I'm sorry, especially when I said that you are nothing without your family's money. I didn't mean all of them, and I just said that so you could be mad at me and force me to leave."